Roland Dürre
Sunday April 24th, 2016

Project PEACE – Thursday, April, 28, 2016 – IF Forum

On Thursday (April, 28) at 18:00 hours, yours truly and Jolly Kunjappu will start our project PEACE. We look forward to welcoming our guests.

»Jolly Kunjappu – »Jumbo‘s first birthday. Celebrate your life.« Acryl und Wachskreide auf Leinwand

»Jolly Kunjappu – »Jumbo‘s first birthday. Celebrate your life.«
Acryl and wax crayon on canvas

On this day, we will “let the ideas flow freely”, give impulses and try to inspire “the nice persons” we like so much. We want to stir your desire to question all those things that go without
We want to promote your willingness to constructively work towards the necessary big changes in our society and way of life and in doing so make the initial situation a little better for a future that we can actively be a part of.

Because:
It is more important to act than to talk!
On this evening, Jolly and I want to bring something into motion and then, together with you, develop ideas as well as think about what we could do.
🙂  (Perhaps initiate a snowball system for peace and transformation?)

This is how we want to learn from our friends. We want to win insight and work towards our own enlightenment 2.0.
🙂  Indoctrination and religious wars are things we neither like nor wish to practice, because we are not missionaries!

Basically, PEACE is simply our central metaphor for a necessary change, because peace has a three-fold impact: on every one of us personally; in our connections with the world we live in and consequently our environment; and, of course, also in our relations between individuals and collectively between nations and all kinds of societies of our wonderful world.

And without PEACE, a happy and content life is not imaginable.

For me personally, the project PEACE is extremely important. As of now, it has highest priority. It is to become the last big project of my life, which is why, in years to come, I want it to become my central topic. In order to make this happen, it is important for me to have the support of you all, my friends.

But regardless: first and foremost, we want Thursday evening to be a meeting of aforesaid “friendly persons” of our world who meet with great JOY and give us lots of courage and trust! Jolly und I are sure that, together with you, we will manage to do just that. And there will also be a few surprises…

Here is a link where you will find three IF blog articles on the topic, including the invitation the event. I would kindly ask you to tell me if you come, because we want to have enough food and beverages. Feel free to either register through a blog comment or send E-Mail to the InterFace AG or to me.

RMD
(Translated by EG)

Roland Dürre
Thursday December 31st, 2015

My Sylvester Wishes are Different!

 

Dear Friends!

Best Wishes for 2016!

 


 

Das Bild ist von Rolo Zollner (http://www.rolozollner.de/). Es steht unter Common Licence, Ihr dürft es mit Quellen-/Autorenangabe frei nutzen.


May this pig bring you lots of luck!

Have a good start!

Enjoy the day!

Let your hair down big time!

Treat yourself to whatever you do not normally treat yourself!

Annoy your neighbours to your heart’s desire!

But love and respect them all regardless!

Enjoy the world and honour creation!

Be free!

Live with gusto!

Do whatever you want to do!
Give thought of yourself, but then also to others!

In six words and two sentences::

Enjoy life!
and
Be totally happy!

And I mean a hundred percent and especially 
every single day and every single night of 2016!


And do not forget:

“Shit on “must”!“

RMD
(Translated by EG)

P.S.
Both the picture and motive are from my friend Rolo Zollner. He created it for IF Blog. It is under common licence. Consequently, you may use it if you give the source and author.

Roland Dürre
Saturday May 9th, 2015

The Merry Month of May.

Train conversations.

ICE_3_Oberhaider-Wald-TunnelThe day before yesterday (May, 6th), I sit at a table of the ICE 516 on my way to Stuttgart. From Munich, two unknown ladies “of indeterminate age” sit opposite me.

To me, it looks like these two are quite intelligent. They are on their way to Frankfurt. Starting from there, they want to share a vacation. They are very talkative and I learn a lot about their lives that might actually be quite interesting to relate here. Since some of the material was actually quite private, I will, however, refrain from doing so.

When we reach the Geislinger Steige, the two ladies switch to another topic of conversation. Ever so enthusiastically, they look out of the window and then they seem to compete finding admiring comments on the lush greens they see. They get intoxicated. Using boisterous exclamations, they wind each other up more and more. I actually get worried that they might soon end up in ecstasy (Ekstase).

And then there is the one sentence I hear often and that always annoys me. One of them says something like: “you could not really enjoy this wonderful time of year if you had not experienced the bare and cold winter before”.

And her friend immediately joins in, emphasizing the point – which to me seems a little stupid – by saying that: “This is exactly how she, too, felt about it and that it would not be possible for her to truly and intensely enjoy the summer if there were not the long and ever so bleak winter”.

Initially, I was going to ask the two ladies if they had “ever been near the equator, where the cradle of man had stood”.

But then I come up with the following:

“Dear ladies, please allow me to find fault with your opinions – which I had to listen to, even though they do not interest me at all.

Let me use the following metaphor to illustrate my counter-argument against your thesis. Let us assume you are married. And let us assume you have a husband who beats you six months each year and then carries you on his hands to the ends of the world during the next six months.

Would you then also say how much you appreciate the six months of beatings, because they alone make you appreciate the other six months of a relationship in harmony?”

Before I actually started saying this, I changed my mind. My incentive to beat those two because of their continuing talking was not so unsurmountable, after all. Besides, I was in a good mood, because I was on my way to the PM Camp.

Dürre_Roland🙂 Yet I would like to wish the two ladies who, in the ICE 516 from Munich to Stuttgart on this sixth of May, wanted to tell me (elderly gentleman wearing black polo-shirt and potbelly) about their lives, a nice vacation. I am sending these wishes from the ICE 515 on my way back to Munich! Basically, they were quite nice, just a little wound-up.

(written on my way back from the #PMCampSTR, again in a very good mood because it was, again, a truly beautiful barcamp).

RMD
(Translated by EG)

P.S.
I took the picture from Wikipedia. It is by Sebastian I Terfloth User:Sese_Ingolstadt – Own work, licenced underCC BY-SA 3.0.

Roland Dürre
Friday April 10th, 2015

What is Existence? What is a Human Being, What Am I?

And what about when I am dead?

🙂 ”To be – or not to be!“

That is not only a basic philosophical question, but also a wonderful song byPigor, in which he really goes on in Heidegger fashion.

Pigor is one of my favourite cabaret performers. In an inimitable way, he makes topics of everyday life and even of philosophy into very special songs. Those songs may be sweet-and-sour or bitter, but they are always humorous.

The question asked by the philosophers about the human existence is one thing. But I am not a philosopher. Yet I actually think about the question: “What is a human being?” and in particular “What am I?”, or, even more to the point: “What remains after my death?”. So what will happen when, in the sense of our civil law, the “natural person” of Roland Dürre will cease to exist?

And over the decades, I found an answer (for myself). Currently, it would read like this:

If you simplify it, I consist of four modules. You could actually make a beautiful axis of coordinates out of them. The four quadrants are my body, my soul, my property and the things I experienced and accomplished.

In this axis of coordinates, my body and my property are material, clearly defined items. After my death, they will initially be what is left of me. My soul, on the other hand, is the sum of all the things I experienced, lived through, learned, as well as my “accomplishments” in life and perhaps even after my death. Those are the immaterial things I cannot easily define.

And, of course, more questions arise. So let us start and analyse the four modules!

My body.

Let me start with my mortal shell – my body. Actually, I am pretty sure that, by now, I do not care what happens with my body after I am dead. Basically, it does not matter if it (me?) is cremated, inhumed, frozen or used for scientific purposes. I would probably advise my heirs to bury me anonymously, because then they will not have unnecessary stress (grave maintenance, etc.) with me.

When I was young, I would have said I wish my ashes to be sprinkled somewhere where I used to be happy (like on a soccer field, in a forest or in some other nice area I rode through on my bike). Today, this is no longer so important for me.

My property.

During all my life, I was rather lucky. Among other things, I managed to accumulate some riches. If you define property according to common regulations, I own shares (of InterFace AG), some realty and a little money. To be more precise: a small virtual fortune at a “bank”. That is a true delight for me. But then, there are two sides to everything in life. Consequently, there is now some kind of morals or super-ego that thinks I should draw up a will. But I hate planning and forcing others to do what I want. After all, it is hard enough to think for myself, so why should I think for others, as well?

Consequently, my only recommendation for my heirs is that they should, first and foremost, enjoy the addition to their own property due to my demise and then they should agree upon how to further distribute my small fortune peacefully. And I am quite confident, because that is exactly what I trust my wife and children will be able to do quite well.

So the question of my property is also solved. Now it starts getting more complicated. Let us start with my soul.

My soul.

This is where my – rather natural – incompetence starts: I do not even know if I have a soul! In fact, I cannot even say if such a thing as a soul exists. What is worse: even if I knew that I have a soul, I would not know how to define it! On the other hand, I cannot deny that in some superior context – which, according to my concept, I will never understand – something like a soul might exist. Fortunately, my friend Klaus-Jürgen Grün taught me that fear is something that only happens between the ears. Consequently, I am not afraid that my soul might someday end up rotting in hell.

For me, the topic “soul” is simply unfathomable. So I will put it aside. But then, what about the fourth quadrant? The one with my experiences and adventures, my knowledge and in particular my achievements or the effect I have had on others?

What I accomplished and experienced.

I am sure this is, again, something immaterial. During my long life, I met many persons. Some of them were nearer to me, others more remote. With some of them, I shared only a short segment of my life, with others, I went a long distance. Sometimes the time was intense, sometimes less so. There are quite a few people with whom I feel closely connected.

On the whole, all I can hope for is that I was more constructive than destructive and that there will therefore be a positive balance. That would be nice and I would find it quite sufficient.

Yet, there is also something quasi-material about all of this. That is what I wrote. And when I wrote, the same was true as in other dimensions of my life: I was rather the “expansive” type. For instance, I wrote down many of my emotions here in the IF Blog.

Which brings me to the last exciting question of this article:

What is to happen with the IF Blog?

Naturally, when I am dead, I cannot do anything for the blog. But I could give my heirs a recommendation. Should they terminate the IF Blog? Or should they continue with it?

🙂

RMD
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday February 26th, 2015

Fateful Siesta

Carl and Gerlinde (XLI)

ZZZVimg171Why had it had to happen at this of all occasions? Why when Carl had, at long last, taken his Gerlinde along to the lingerie and underwear fair “Five Elements”? And it was certainly no surprise that, afterwards, Gerlinde was not only disappointed, but also angry!

God, how often had she tried to persuade Carl to take her along when he went to this famous underwear fair where he organized the most bizarre exhibitions with the most crazy ideas and other shebang for TRIGA every year. And where, smiling practically at the push of a button, he always ran up to form like a yeast doughnut in hot oil between those hysterical, cold, long-legged underwear dolls.

On the other hand, you had to admit that this really outrageous thing would never have happened if Gerlinde had not been there. Because without her, he would never have siesta-ed and consequently would never have been confronted with this more than strange situation. A situation that might well have been instigated by the competition. Or by the NSA? Or the KGB? Well, you never know, you know!

But well, all those ’if’–s and ’then’–s were not going to do any good now when the ’stable door had been locked after the horse had bolted’, were they? Of course, the ’horse’ was meant in a purely metaphorical way, since there was no horse involved.

On the contrary. In fact, this entire unparalleled scandal in the famous Berlin Four-Star Hotel during the 11th Fashion Week was all about how to best prevent the activity that could cause ’possible birth’- albeit of a child, rather than a horse.

Mind you, this ’possible conception’ was, of course, only of virtual nature, since Gerlinde – thank God – was far beyond the age where such an aspect could possibly mutate into an unwelcome real surprise.

Yet there had definitely been more than enough demand on this late morning for the kinaesthetics and exchange of fluids usually preceding such a procreation process on both sides. Absolutely! And one had also seen it as the ideal prelude for the siesta urgently desired by Gerlinde on this second day of the lingerie and underwear fashion show. After all, the evening reception given to entertain the international and national customers on the previous day had lasted until early this morning, bringing with it many delicacies on the rich buffet which were consumed along with costly alcoholic beverages. The lively organiser Carl and his charming company Gerlinde had definitely partaken …

Consequently, a few quiet minutes – or even a quarter of an hour – definitely seemed like a tempting idea to both of them around noon.

And Gerlinde would not have been Gerlinde if she had not only immediately succumbed to this temptation without reservations, but also enriched them in no time by practicing a few rather exquisite fantasies every equestrienne would have been proud of. 
It seems like the dressage numbers displayed actually demanded absolute concentration from both horse and rider.

How else could you understand that neither of them noticed how suddenly, not at all far away from the ’king-size bed display parcours’, a young inconspicuous hotel employee – so it seemed – not only watched the exciting dressage artistry with a bowed upper body, a red face and fascination, but also worked most enthusiastically on his iPhone …

It seems that, somehow, Carl must have spied a shadow from the corner of his right eye, because there was an involuntary movement of his head to the right, but only so slightly that the equestrienne who was working with a lot of concentration was not distracted in any way.

And suddenly what he saw was a pair of nosy eyes over a good-natured smiling mouth. Actually, the full head of blond hair of this young gentleman sitting above a youthful, not at all fearsome face like a little crown even added another air of normality to the entire scene.

When the young man, totally fearlessly, put his right index finger to his lips in order to signal Carl to – please – please – remain entirely quiet in order not to destroy this wonderful scene by an inconsiderate move, this, too, fit perfectly into the image …

In retrospect, Carl was almost ashamed about having offered no resistance at all to the directions of the strange young man and instead having permitted Gerlinde to finish the last step of her supernatural dressage! But then, there was not really an alternative for him in this breath-taking moment, was there? Everything was such a matter of course in this harmonic procedure that he lacked not only all concept of terminating it, but also the strength to do so!

And Gerlinde’s cathartic yell of joy shortly afterwards also proved he had been right! It had been an eternity since he had last heard such a joyous outcry over several thirds that seemed like it never wanted to end, accompanied by a cascade of gurgling sounds in between! In fact, perhaps he had never ever heard it in exactly this way?

The same was obviously true for the unknown young gentleman who seemed to be sponging up everything with sparkling eyes and a face that showed the highest degree of rapture. Immediately afterwards, he disappeared just as noiselessly as he had come…

With a slight degree of surprise, Gerlinde – still breathless – registered that Carl suddenly lifted himself up from the ’shared show-riding course’ and hurried to the door, locking it with the words: it is not secured! Shortly afterwards, however, purring like a cat, she fell back into a deep, refreshing sleep in Carl’s arms. …

Only later – unfortunately before Carl – did she discover the inconspicuous warning written on yellow folio-format paper on the table: 
In case you are toying with the absurd idea of informing the hotel management, this little equestrian episode will be available on You Tube within a few minutes.

This was the time when Carl, to his huge regret, had to confront Gerlinde with the unwelcome truth – and thus make the “Five Elements” fair something she would never remember fondly. 
Basically, it was a pity, because the rest of the week, too, had been rather glorious: the underwear sector of TRIGA, which had just recently suffered serious problems, seemed to have really recovered…

KH
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Tuesday January 27th, 2015

Cardiac Fibrillation…

Carl and Gerlinde (XXXIX)

A sleepless night, a burning breast ache, a tottering heart and Dr. Riffelmann’s diagnosis sufficed to convince Carl that, just maybe, it is a good idea to join Hannelore and Gerlinde two weeks later when they went to their stupid ’ladies course’…

ZZYVoimg162But Gerlinde had been right! He had to take things easier to prevent that ship – no, his ship – from either leaving or leaving him behind!

“This auricular fibrillation episode was an alarm signal and should be taken very seriously”, Dr. Riffelmann had said without his otherwise usual smile. Carl was lucky to be only in his mid-fifties and justs have a slightly high blood pressure: a mere beta blocker was enough to bring the ’hearty tantrum’ back to normal. No need yet for anticoagulants…

”But you want to be careful: matters might worsen sooner than Carl might be prepared to acknowledge”, Dr. Riffenmann said with just a hint of a smile. In order to prevent that from happening, Carl would have to immediately start a routine exercise program, drink only a minimum of alcohol and reduce his daily stress considerably!

When he heard the words ’reduce stress’, Carl suddenly found himself in a smiling contest with Dr. Riffelmann! How was he supposed to manage that, with the avalanche of problems on the international knitwear market?

But then, maybe he could snatch away the job red-faced Fritz Kuhlmann was now holding as porter at the company and offer him his knitwear salesperson position along with the cardiac fibrillation in return? And maybe his boss, ’Little Eastercorn’ would – for a change – offer some constructive help, rather than just talking? And maybe so would the works committee?

”Well, you know you do not have to throw the baby out with the bath water”, Dr. All-Smiles suggested, “most importantly, you have to learn how to better deal with stress! And how to reduce it? Meaning not by drinking more beer and Whysky in the evening and instead exercising daily and applying a special relaxing routine!”
”Relaxing routine?“

”Yes – there are excellent courses you can take to learn this kind of thing”, Dr. Riffelmann was quite enthusiastic.

“I am sure you are not suggesting relaxing routines from the wonderful kingdom of Chakras and singing bowls where energy-charged rubber dragons make all tension inside me disappear for 125 Euro, do you?”,

Carl moaned as loud as if someone had just drilled on one of his nerves.

”No – I certainly would not advise you to start Yoga Vidja; I know you well enough. But how about common Autogenous Training?“

Carl rolled his eyes and mumbled something incomprehensible.

“Yes! Why won’t you try and give relieving stress through ’AT ’ a totally unbiased chance?“

”Well, Dr. Riffelmann, the reason is that next time I see you I will not simply have a cardiac fibrillation.

Instead, you can be dead sure that I will return as a homicidal maniac: because if my right arm is supposed to become heavy and my left leg is supposed to start burning, I am going to go nuts!” Carl’s face had turned scarlet and a new fibrillation attack was underway when he grunted his reply. …

“And what would be so bad about that? I do not mean the homicidal maniac part but the heavy right arm and the warm left leg! You would not believe how relaxing it can be and what a stabilizing effect it has on your heartbeat, as well..…“

“Sorry, Dr.Riffelmann. With me, this ’AT ’, as you call it, can have only two mutually exclusive effects: I will either become as aggressive as a starving varan! Or else I will immediately fall into a comatose-like sleep.…“
“Well – you know, actually, the latter would not be a bad idea! With the exception of having to transport you home, which might be a little complicated. But then, maybe there is a nice person you can think of who could help with that?”, Dr. Riffelmann said with a grin that said relish.

In fact, the sun-tanned smile of before had been more comfortable, Carl thought when he collected the recipe for his beta-blockers from the doctor’s assistant.

So much more surprising was his about-face!

Or was that not what it was, after all? Was it again one of the usual Gerlinde-style Manipulations? After all, she knew exactly how to pull the nose ring of her run-down bull Carl in order to make sure he landed on the path she wanted him to land on …

Well – it took exactly two – more poorly than well-slept-through – nights before Carl informed Gerlinde during breakfast after a two-minute coughing attack caused by a piece of French Baguette he had spread finger-thick with apricot jam as usual that this strange Dr. Riffelmann whom she had at the time recommended to him had not been able to tell him anything better than that it might be a good idea to, quasi as an additional preventive measure on top of the beta blockers against his cardiac fibrillation, enrol in an AT course for stress reduction. Although he of all people should have known how much Carl hated all kinds of esoteric knick-knack.

”So why don’t you come and join Hannelore and me”, Gerlinde said, sounding no different than if Carl had asked for a second egg for breakfast.

”What? – How? – Where? You want me to take part in your ladies’ course”?

”Why not?“

“Is there any man in the course at all?“

“Certainly.“

“I mean one who is not gay?“

”My God, how should I know about that “!

“Hm!“

“Yes…“

“And who is in charge of the course?“

“Well, that is Severin?“

“What! A man?“

“A sports student!“

“And is he gay?“

“I would say: certainly not”, Gerlinde whispered with a dirty smile.

“Why are you so positive?“

“Just because I know – and Hannelore also confirmed …“

“What is that supposed to mean?“

“Well, that she, too, is quite certain …“

“Phew – am I in the wrong film here!“

“Why would you think that?“

“Well, seeing as your eyes turn all glazy as soon as you mention the sports student…“

“Why don’t you come and take a look at Severin yourself …“

“Is that possible?“

“All is possible if I speak with him …“

“This gets stranger and stranger”, Carl moaned before getting on his way to his office without another word. Somehow or other he had the feeling that the next attack of cardiac fibrillation was soon going to be upon him unless he saw to it that the distance between him and his Gerlinde quickly became as far as possible.

And on Saturday morning, Carl actually trotted along when Gerlinde left home to attend this strange AT course!

“Well, I guess it will not do any harm – although I am sure it will not do much good, either”, he fizzled with an embarrassed smiley on his face when he spontaneously joined her in the car.

Well – and Gerlinde was wondering if the best time to tell him that Severin was currently, but basically had all the time been replaced by Uschi Müller would be on the way there or later …

KH
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday December 11th, 2014

What Happened to Germany? – Has it Really Gone to Sleep?

Carl and Gerlinde (XXXVIII)

Looking at his crumpled visage in the bathroom mirror, Carl initially spent some time wondering if he should instantly slap himself or wait until after breakfast! But then, you could not do it on an empty stomach, could you? Those worn-out corners of the mouth and this mildew tongue were just too disgusting! Besides, he feared that he might actually throw up any moment. Was it the stomach? Or was it the Halloween-mask?

The hot shower brought salvation!

Feeling the water glide over his head, back and bottom was like a life-spending electric impulse. When the chest, the stomach and the lifeless worm were also treated to some warm rain, Carls wobbly cerebrum, too, developed new momentum. In fact, even a few memories started finding their way through the alcohol-soaked synapses. The acute headache was also suddenly gone. After all, the one-and-a-half litres of Pinot Grigio in his blood system and liver had to find a way out of the body through perspiration, didn’t they? And the same was true for yesterday’s verbal tirades from Dr. Osterkorn alias Bernie and Miriam…

Admittedly, the ’wine-induced exchange of ideas’ of yesterday evening at Bernie’s favourite Italian restaurant had not come totally unexpectedly for Carl: after the disastrous collapse of sales numbers caused by the ’Russian Beating’, it had, naturally, been totally foreseeable that the sector leaders of TRIGA would have to fire rapidly and loudly.

Carl vaguely remembered that Bernie had said something more or less to that tune while carefully lathering his smelly armpits – phew! – it was really high time…
Basically, you had to admit that Bernie, too, was only someone driven by circumstances! The same was true for the directors and the concern management: they all had to achieve the planned profit margins. Without profit – no premium! Neither for the directors, nor for Bernie and his sector sales head Carl. Let alone Miriam, the person responsible for underwear.

You know what – what we need is a completely new narrative for our underwear, Bernie had then spontaneously thrown in while toasting Miriam and looking like a young bull – upon which she only sceptically raised her eyebrows. Yes – we badly need a truly revolutionary idea in order to tell the story of our slips, tops and bras in a totally new way and convince our customers narratively! Well, and perhaps the tops might again reach the navel in the next few years. And the ladies’ knickers might actually again be knickers, instead of only covering the pubic hair and being bottom cheek dividers?

When this fragment of memory made its way through his brain while he was lathering his bottom and with horror imagining thong slips for men, Carl had to laugh so hard that his injured body shook vehemently enough to cause the showering water – what shock – to noisily splash against the showering cabin …

Well, maybe Putin was right after all, Bernie had said aloud in his monologue, when he started keeping the Russian ladies away from these ’knickers fragments” this summer and instead in a future-oriented way pointing them back towards knickers that actually deserved the name. Who can blame him for, in the same process, re-adjusting the scale of values for the ’New Russia’? After all, great, proud Russia can never be permitted to sink as low as the decadent West and pay homage to ideals the top incarnation of which is the embodiment of a ’Conchita Wurst’! Well, this is totally comprehensible, isn’t it?

And how do you propose we do this, my dear Bernie? Miriam suddenly became poisonous: are we now supposed to run around in underpants that reach up to the neck and hide underneath the cashmere caftan? Well, good luck to you, you who understand Putin. I am sure you only want us back in the nineteenth century in order to retrieve the Russian business! If that is so, let me know long enough in advance. I will be gone faster than you can say ’Indiana Jones’!

Carl, who by now had lathered himself down to the toes, had been rather surprised to see how spiritedly Miriam had snapped at her Bernie. That had really been good to see. In fact, it deserved an extra-strong massage spurt on his back and loins! Heavenly – true bliss. …

What lucky stroke that the meal had followed instantly, otherwise Miriam and Bernie would have started a really biting verbal duel. As it was, Bernie was able to bite into his roast lamb and Miriam to nibble on her baked gilthead seabream while he loaded himself hastily with his lamb goulash in lemon sauce. Actually, while doing so, he was forced to keep his mouth closed.

Since, apparently, Bernie was a stranger to such manners and kept talking with his mouth full, he allowed Carl and Miriam to participate in his tender roast lamb by spreading it on the tablecloth in small portions. On the other hand, this enabled him to seamlessly move from Putin to Merkel. From the latter, he repeatedly demanded a narrative for Germany similar to the one Putin had delivered for the ’New Russia’!

But I am sure, Miriam, also seamlessly continued in her acerbic tone while making short and expert shrift of her own gilthead seabream, Bernie, that you will not now demand the model of a radical ’underwear about-face’ from ’Mama Merkel’ after her ’Energy About-Face’, will you?

Of course not, Bernie munched, but ’Our Angela’ would be well advised to surprise the German People with a nice and usable ’narrative for Germany’, instead of permanently singing us a lullaby of empty words! We would certainly benefit from being more concerned with the rest of the world, instead of constantly agonizing under our own fears! Only ’German Angst’ is a little thin, isn’t it, Carl?

Indeed, that was something Carl, still showering, absolutely agreed with, before finally turning off this immensely satisfying massage spurt. Incidentally, after the water massage, you had to do some ’Cold Showering’! And in order to do that, you needed at least the same degree of discipline as for the development of a narrative for Germany…

But, lo and behold: it had not been possible to hold back Little Osterkorn. After Miriam’s reprimands and the roast lamb, he not only craved after an instant Titamisu, but simultaneously came along with narrative ideas. Or had it been Miriam? She thought that, in a new narrative for Germany, we should not only keep repeating the Second World-War, the Rebuilding and the Holocaust like a mantra. Also, we should not limit ourselves to talking about the East-West division and Europe, but additionally point out that Germany had lately turned into a very coveted immigration country. Neither should we forget to mention the fact that, for example, during the last two soccer world championships, it even was suddenly considered hip, multi-culti, joyous and colourful!

Well, this was the moment when Carl had had enough of the ’Cold Shower’! Shivering with cold, he jumped out of the shower cabin, rubbed himself with the beach towel moaning noisily and absolutely did not want to be reminded that he – perhaps he had already been a little tipsy at the time – had stubbornly wished to include the ’energy about-face’ into the new Germany Narrative after Miriam’s wise outline. His tongue had grown heavy when he insisted that such a procedure would actually practically by itself cause a fundamental change in paradigm for the underwear business: after all, warm underwear would inevitable also reduce the heating, which then would also affect the CO2 emission! Wasn’t this clear as can be?

And based on these facts, Frau Merkel would – through the warm underwear as massively subsidized by the government – probably easily be able to counter all sceptics with total serenity in her typical lack of precision that the country of the ’poets and isolators’ will actually fulfil its very ambitious climate promise made to the European Community! In fact, we might even end up far beyond those promises, providing the Great Coalition were – in violation of the coalition contract – to decide that now ’thermo underwear’ is to be subsidized as massively as insulation of buildings, as suggested by Herrn Siegmar Gabriel. Naturally, all these measures would have to leave the “black zero” as propagated by Herrn Schäuble untouched, which is something that, even if having no influence on the world climate, would be immensely detrimental to the CDU – which was the only thing that counted! If Frau Merkel never said this in Carl’s mental concept, it was still what she believed.

It must have been shortly after this that his personal memory broke down, because he does not remember Bernie’s loud rejoicing. And Gerlinde alone knew how he had returned home. She, however, did not wish to see him this morning, which in itself was a little strange, wasn’t it?

KH
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday October 23rd, 2014

Halloween in Hanau or ‘Viennese Blood’

A vampire’s vicious circle

spanish-riding-school
Elias Hupka-Hürlimann has now been living in Hanau for quite some time. Because it is Halloween, he finally wants a wish he has long had to come true: for the first time ever, he organizes an elaborate vampire party in his big flat, which is part of a Hanau Old Town Villa. This is going to be one party where nothing has been forgotten! Especially not first quality blood! His girl-friend Susanne advises him to order the famous ’Vienna Blood’ offered by a famous Vienna agency situated in the Blood Lane of Vienna’s First District! Elias calls them on a Tuesday; after the second ring, a young voice answers:

• International Vampire Party Service ’Blood Lust’ – this is Gottlieb Bissinger speaking – how can I help you?

• ………………………………………..

• Well, Mister Herr Hupka-Hürlimann, I am truly delighted to hear you are calling us at the recommendation of someone else. It means we are probably often doing the right thing and our customers are happy with what they get, doesn’t it?

• ………………………………………..

• May I ask where this German city of Hanau you are calling from is situated?

• ………………………………………..

• Ah – it is near Frankfurt on the river Main – yes, of course, everybody is familiar with that! However, Hanau is a city I have never heard about. But that is certainly not a problem – in fact, isn’t it nice to know that even townships like Hanau have their own vampires? That gives us hope?

• ………………………………………..

• Well – you see, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, in Vienna, we do not only have Heurige and Coffee Shops, but also a very dignified ’Vampire Blood Service’!

• ………………………………………..

• Actually, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, you should not forget that we here in Austria have a century old vampire tradition.
• ………………………………………..

• Certainly not England – the first documented vampire ever came from Istria in Croatia, which as early as 200 years ago became part of the Austrian-Hungarian Monarchy. This is a fact!

• ………………………………………..

• Prey, do laugh – after all, we all need some fun, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! It is rather nice to know that we already understand each other well enough to share a good laugh. That is the kind of thing that makes everything a lot easier, isn’t it?

• ………………………………………..

• Naturally, Vienna is a fantastic place for Vampires! To tell the truth, here in this city, they do not only appreciate the occasional sip of wine, but also the tasty suck of blood! Especially if it originated with the right kind of bunny and has the desired flow to it!

• ………………………………………..

• No, no – there is certainly no shortage! You see, we have all those retired persons in Vienna, an ample supply of choir boys and masses of Lipizzaner horses! Now this is something you will probably not believe, but the very young suckers, that is to say, the ’bloody young lollers’ really like to first practice with one of those dripping retired necks before proceeding with particular lust by using the white young necks of choir boys or choir girls! Well, and for every day, they sometimes take a Lipizzaner horse – this is simply a fact of life!!

• ……………………………………….
• Of course not during the performances of the ’Spanish Riding School”, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, that goes without saying! I mean afterwards, when the Lipizzaner horses have been taken back to their stables and are tired and hardly able to move. …
• ………………………………………..

• No, we do not exclusively staff our company with vampires! That would be something the inspectorate division would not permit! Here in this country, everything is well regulated, as everybody knows. Even the vampire quota! In fact, it is quite possible that this regulation originated as early as the monarchy?

• ………………………………………..

• Of course, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, all must always be in order! In our delicate blood business, anything else would be unthinkable. What do you think how many ’Good People’ constantly are on our backs, wanting to let something stick with us! We have to be extra careful at all times …

• ………………………………………..

• Exactly! And since we have these restrictions for our employees, Mister Hupka- Hürlimann, we only employ true vampires in very limited numbers in our party service – everything else would be much too expensive, anyway!

• ………………………………………..

• No way! What do you think! We at the party service ’Blood Lust’ are organized in such a way that 70% of the employees are so-called NVP-s, that is ’Non Vampire People’! And of the remaining 30%, 20% are HVP-s, that is ’Hetero Vampire People’, which means that they are sometimes this and sometimes that. Only 10%, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, are true PVP-s, i.e. ’Pure Vampire People’! As you see, the ratio is truly minimal!

• ………………………………………..

• You are perfectly correct! The press makes far too much ado about it! If you are honest, you really cannot say there is a vampire excess here in the entire EU. In fact, we have a sad lack! A few more would actually be quite a good thing for all this ’SpinTopGame ’, you can believe me…

• ………………………………………..

• Correct – as you can see in our team! We here in our optimized service department ’Blood Lust’ are no more than six people!

• ………………………………………..

• What? You are asking if only six out of ten employees are true vampires?

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, that is absolutely correct, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! I see you must be a true mathematician, otherwise you would not have done the computation that quickly! Congratulations!

• ………………………………………..

• How we handle the six out of ten employees?

• ………………………………………..

. Well, it is very simple: it means that Hubert, our only vampire, only works and acquires after midnight – that is how easy it is!

• ………………………………………..

• Certainly, sir. As you see, sometimes matters are easier than one would have assumed? But now, what about your order, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann? What exactly can we provide for you?
• ………………………………… ..

• Leiwand – well, it certainly facilitates things if you already informed yourself on our homepage about all the products and services we offer.

• ………………………………………..

• You definitely can order everything immediately via telephone! We are used to not making much of a fuss about things!

• ………………………………………..

• Just tell me all you need, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann – and I will enter everything in our central computer:

• ………………………………………..

• I understand – you want 50 litres of bio blood type A and 30 litres of bio blood type AB, but none of blood type B! Your German guests are not keen on this one! Well, this is interesting information, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann!

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, you are right! Blood type B tastes a little stale, doesn’t it? Your experts in Hanau will probably call it furry! Now tell me, are you particular about the Rhesus Factor?

• ……………………………………….

• No! Well, I can easily understand that! Yes, you are absolutely correct: as far as taste is concerned, the Rhesus Factor really is not a big deal; especially if you serve it sparkled on lots of ice! You will taste practically no difference between the rhesus factors: neither in the bouquet, nor as you swallow it!

• ………………………………………

• Is there anything else you would like, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann?

• ………………………………………

• What? You want to know what the ’bio ’ in our blood product label means?

• ………………………………………

• To be sure! Basically, you can say blood is always bio! But in our case it means that it is really the purest quality, still having this inimitable blood smell! After all, ours is a certified brand – if you know what I mean.

• ………………………………………

• Well – as I am sure you read in our prospectus, we also deliver blood products in totally different flavours!

• ……………………………………….

• Yes! That is blood we mostly get from passionate wine drinkers. It smells just a little bit of ’Blauem Zweigelt’ or ’Grünem Veltliner’! Or of Riesling! But we are talking really only a very tiny bit of flavour. This is something for real gourmets! You have to be blessed with an extremely fine-tuned tongue, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! Incidentally, currently we also have huge quantities of blood with a delicious Vodka flavour for the not quite so fine-tuned tongue! I would very much recommend it if you want something really noticeable – not just some subtlety!

• ………………………………………..

• Indeed, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, this blood is imported from the Ukraine on a daily basis, which makes it excellent quality, since it has been directly flown here from the war zone!

• ………………………………………..

• Yes – I am sure you want to try it – it is truly delicious and extravagant. I am sure your party guests will relish every drop of it. …

• ………………………………………..

So here I am adding another 10 litres of AB with Vodka flavour and another five litres AB with ’Blauen Zweigelt – body’ to your order. Great, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! This is such a well-balanced order that I can only congratulate you in the most sincere way in the name of our house! Truly!

• ………………………………………..

• What? Who are our suppliers? Well, we do it all through the very professional Amazone Drone Service! They are just top! Their deliveries are reliable and always on time! Never any problems!

• ………………………………………..

• You are right! This is another sector where Amazone cooperates directly with the NSA. Consequently, they always know practically in real-time where and when the latest blood sources can be tapped …

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, it is truly a great thing! There is no other way to say it! At long last, they found a use of modern technology that absolutely makes sense! Apart from this, they only use technology for nonsense, don’t they?

• ………………………………………..

• Yes – so again many thanks for your order, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! I hope you will soon again be our customer! And as I said: delivery will be prompt and discrete! Just like is always our custom in this house!

• …………………………………………..

• And a special greeting from colleague to colleague! I guess you are also one of those true blood suckers, just like I am?

• …………………………………………..

• You know, something always tells me immediately! This kind of similarity makes you a nice person in my eyes, even if you are a Piefke! No offense meant! And greetings again…

KH
(Translated by EG)

Roland Dürre
Saturday August 9th, 2014

Tweets on Twittering and Blogging #232 – THE LAST ONE!

Here are my tweets of last week on
Blogging and Twittering, Wisdoms and Rules:

140821 It is an evil mouth that speaks with two tongues – also true for twittering and blogging! #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

This was the last wise proverb in the alphabet, all of which I found Alle deutsche Sprichwörter.

Consequently, there will be no more daily tweets to twitter and blog. Some of you will be glad to hear it – after all, I know that some IF Blog readers did not enjoy this column at all.

On the other hand, these German proverbs are certainly something extraordinary. For me, it was a positive experience to see how much experience and wisdom some of the proverbs contain. Also, I found it nice that the English translation (many thanks for EG for this great achievement) sometimes sounded more powerful than the German original. Also, the English version was actually “retweeted” fairly often.
What I did not like was the huge amount of moralization I seemed to detect I many of the proverbs. After all, moralizing is something I personally absolutely abhor and it is not at all what I had intended to do.

When all is said and done, the total impression is mixed. But perhaps I managed to 
cite some of the wisdom and intuition of the masses?! This would be something I would be glad to accept.

RMD
(Translated by EG)

Here are my tweets of last week on
Blogging and Twittering, Wisdoms and Rules:

140814 Two pairs of eyes will see more than one – also true for twittering and blogging? #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140815 Killing two flies at one blow – something we also occasionally manage to do when twittering and blogging! #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140816 Two quarrelling parties will eventually always come to terms – also true for twittering and blogging! #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140817 Doubt has many walls to hide behind – also when blogging and twittering? #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140818 Failing to turn up twice is still acceptable – also when blogging and twittering! #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140819 Between two honest parties, no invoice is necessary – not to forget when twittering and blogging. #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

140820 The gap between joy and sadness is not a huge one – also true when twittering and blogging! #Twitter #Blogging #Wisdom

RMD
(Translated by EG)

P.S.

I found the proverbs at Alle deutsche Sprichwörter gefunden..