Hans Bonfigt
Sunday July 8th, 2018

(Deutsch) Papa, Charlie hat gesagt …

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Klaus Hnilica
Tuesday June 19th, 2018

Advantages of Integration and Progressive Digitalization

Ever since a new British study has found out that the progressive digitalization also offers massive advantages and totally new perspectives in this field, there is a new urgency to the question: To what extent vampires can actually be integrated?

Mind you, it was not the old and ancient protagonists who initiated this revolution. It is yet again the often so scolded youth who make the decisive steps towards this ’young future that cuts the edges’: they are the ones who not only talk about digitalization, which is what any second-class provincial politician does these days, but who also actually live digitalization!

Yes, it is the ’generation smart-phone’ who, in the 21st century and totally surprisingly and unplanned, restore a tiny bit of freedom to the vampires by letting them return to free biting!

After all – and you want to be honest about this – there is nothing more suitable for the direct and unhindered bite of a vampire than the naked and exposed little neck of a fifteen-year-old female smart-phone user who is fascinated by what she sees on her screen. And I mean all the time: on the street, in the train, on her bike, on the toilet and while doing her homework.

There is definitely nothing, absolutely nothing more suitable!

And this suitability for quick access is, naturally, not only true for the aforementioned fifteen-year-old girl, but also for all smart-phone users, regardless of their age and the colour of their skin: when they act as mentioned above, all these persons remain in the exact same position, with exactly identical ’bite invitations to their jugular’ in front of their device. In fact, the author of the British study I mentioned before even assumes that the inventor of the smart-phone must have had or have a ’vampire background’. This assumption becomes even more of a probability since all the smart-phone users are so fixated on their devices that they not only fail to notice the quick bite into their jugular, but also never even realize how they have been sucked out afterwards!

They are actually so immersed in their smart-phone world that they are not available for any other observation: the first time they actually often start yelling and getting aggressive is when – due to some unfortunate mistake – blood drips on their screens, because that is when they start soiling their own screens as they wipe around with their own blood on their fingers!

This is one of the reasons why leading vampires in business and politics started several years ago to vehemently demand from companies such as Apply, Samsung and Nokia to come up with the ’blood-absorbing screen’ at long last! After all, such a modification is absolutely necessary unless you want to carelessly miss this unique opportunity of integrating vampires into society: and I mean all vampires! This includes the less dexterous ones – those who, when they bite, sometimes cause a drop or two to fall where it should not!

It goes without saying that the sector data security, too, needs massive modifications: it happens quite frequently that smart-phone users take pictures of vampires while they feed on blood and then immediately send the pictures to the smart-phones of those who have been bitten!

This is often the moment when those who have been bitten actually realize that they are currently donating blood – and since they see it on their smart-phones, they also believe it. Their reaction is that they often start hectic defence movements – which might then again cause unnecessary extra blood loss.

Consequently, what we need immediately is legislative initiatives with a ’filming ban on blood feeds’. And these initiatives cannot be national solos but have to be coordinated on EU and UNO level. Basically, this should not be too much of a problem if all parties concerned mean the same blood and refrain from overeager bloody comments.
Another problem is probably far harder to solve.

What I mean is the bite into the ’wrinkled neck of an older person’ – which, as the aforementioned British study shows, is something some of the vampires also favour.

Luckily, these few ’connoisseurs’ will also find enough older smart-phone users today – even if their enthusiasm and stamina are nowhere near what we have with the young generation. That is something that does not really make quick bites easier!

But when all is said and done, this is not the central problem! The real problem is that, even if the bite on the ’far-from-fresh wrinkled neck’ is a success, the blood you get there tastes like a wine-soda mixture that contains one eighth of Riesling and one litre of soda water!
Which is nothing. Well, it is less than nothing!

That is because today practically all older people get huge amounts of expensive blood thinners from all their doctors and health insurances: this is certainly a good thing for the pharmaceutical industry and for the blood-thinned elderly people – but for vampires, it is a pure nightmare!

And I am not just talking the taste, but also the amount you need: due to this practice, vampires are not only forced to swallow immense amounts of blood, but also to visit the toilet all the time in order to get rid of all the water. This will quite often cause individual blockage situations at public toilets! Humans who suffer from weak bladders are those who will suffer most in the end!

Taking all these aspects into consideration, it can be said that much remains to be done before vampires enjoy the same paradise-like state of affairs in Germany that, according to our Federal Chancellor, the rest of the citizens can boast of!

But if the problems that still need to be solved are at long last tackled by politics without prejudices and without further loss of precious time, and if the entire society refuses to have a rising blood pressure because of all these concepts, then the integration advantages offering themselves through more digitalization – as shown by the British study – will soon be realized. Especially if measures are taken to make sure that blood will always remain thicker than any wine-soda mixture, because otherwise the elderly people will cause unacceptably long blood trails in their wake after each vampire bite. And said blood trails will then again cause massive data security problems, which certainly nobody can want; after all, we all know that there is nothing vampires want more than a chance to, at long last, have their blood feed undisturbed and in peace.

That is really all they want!

K.H.
(Translated by EG)

You know, even as a child, I rather liked Rumplestiltskin! It was such an exciting thing to listen how the fairy was dancing in front of the fire in the dark wood – and how it sang “Lucky me that no one knows that my name is Rumplestiltskin”. In fact, it was so exciting that I really cannot find words to describe it…

Yes, and then, a few sentences later, when the fairy self-exploded in front of the princess later in the story – that was just great! What a consistency and courage – to just self-explode! I never forgot this impressive image!

But here comes the moment of truth! This unappetizing “Rumplestiltskin Affair”. I am sure you, too read about it in the media: it is about an affair between the European upper nobility and a German Mr. Müller!

The kings and the Müllers are said to have behaved quite evilly and a lot of money was allegedly involved!

European money – of course!

To be precise, said Müller – i.e. a certain ’Soy-Bean Müller’ – who has the world leader soy bean mail-order house in his backhand, is said to have tried to make gold out of straw together with an extremely respectable European dynasty!

Mind you, this was regardless of the fact that he, Müller, does not even own straw. He only owns ’soy bean cake’. That is basically just the waste from soy flour production – but no straw!

However, for straw, the European Commission would have granted considerable subsidies from its agrarian fond. But not for cake, i.e. ’soy cake’!

Naturally, this was not good news for the soy flour mail-order house and its stock. In fact, it was actually a catastrophe. After all, stock, too, is just human, i.e. there are persons hidden behind the stock.

Persons with all their strengths and weaknesses. Just like with Müller’s small daughter Annegret who had always had a certain weakness for everything that smelled of royalty.

That is especially true for last year’s ’Vienna Opera Ball’, where she danced left-waltz with an extremely sweet young king. Left-waltz until she was dizzy and sank into the blue-blooded arms of the young king.

Due to the low stock-exchange rate, those same arms need much persuasion before they led her to the marriage altar. It did not come as a surprise that not only the love of these two doves immediately grew, but also the stock exchange rate of the ’soy flour mail-order house’. Did they grow, or what?

Consequently, it took only a few days until this activity caused a grumbling in the world of the financially potent oligarchs and a so-called ’Rumplestiltzkin ’ appeared. Nobody knew who it was and where it came from and what its name really was.

But being an industrious person, said ’Rumplestiltzkin’ had no problem getting the delegates of Romania, Bulgaria and of the newly wed kingdom to vote in her favour at the European Commission. Consequently, a majority supported the concept that ’soy-cakes’ are to be declared straw in the future and thus they are gold-coated with EU money!

It is unbelievable what Rumplestiltzkin can do and it is certainly a good thing that nobody knows its real name…

The news that the Austrian rum producer ’Straw’, too, allegedly was part of the deal in that he is said to have delivered a considerable amount of 85% ’Straw-Rum’ to the president of the European Council Junker and thus also acted in the role of Rumplestiltzkin is only one of those fake news from Russia. After all, we all know that Russia constantly aims at destabilizing the European Union!

Which, under Putin, does not come as a surprise to anybody!

The same applies to the news that the newly married ’soy flour queen’ was now allegedly impregnated by this suddenly appearing Rumplestiltzkin – rather than by the European High Nobility?

What additional shameless defamation! Those lousy Russian hackers were not even kind enough to give credit to her handsome Pilates coach in their disinformation campaign against the young queen. It is truly something that could give you offspring!

Which is exactly what happened.

But this evil pregnancy defamation is at least a good explanation for Rumplestiltzkin by all means wanting to get hold of the new-born child of the young queen, isn’t it? Of course, it is because it does not want a paternity test, and it was not at all eager to pay alimony for an entire Rumplestiltzkin life on top of having acted extremely beneficial. This is absolutely clear!

The queen was in a similar situation: she wanted to keep her new-born child without proof of paternity. And she did not hesitate to rub Rumplestiltzkin’s nose into what she wanted via twitter, along with 10 million followers!

Maybe she should not have done that. Being nobility and all! Twittering all the time! Because the Russian secret service read it all and then threatened the allegedly Russian Rumplestiltzkin with filing suit before the European Court of Law for prince robbery …

What is not really believable – and for me personally, this is rather a disappointment – is that this unknown Rumplestiltzkin is said to have angrily self-exploded afterwards. Just like the one in the fairy tale!

And they say it happened right before the blue eyes of the soy-floury queen who did not want to let go of her child. Isn’t it awful? Just self-exploding and ending up in two parts. From top to bottom. Atrocious!

After all, today, after 300 years of cultural evolution, you can do the job far more elegantly by tying an explosive from the internet to your belt!
Such a method would also have been far more media-friendly!

And we all would have certainly been able to download the atrocious event in no time through our smartphones from some video supervision camera or other immediately after Rumplestiltzkin’s self-explosion. In other words: we would all have been there – in fact, all Europe would have been there!

Thee usual stereotypical condemnation of the deed by all the politicians, too, would have been noticed by far more citizens – than this silent, ego-maniac ’Rumplestiltzkin self-exploding’!

Even the IS did not find it worthy of claiming responsibility!

It really is a pity! What a pity that Rumplestiltzkin failed so miserably! Everybody would have benefited from a proper explosion? I mean You, You and You! All of Us! Europe would have been truly united by such an explosion! At long last, what belongs together would have come together. What a pity …

KH
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday November 26th, 2015

The Avalanche – or: An Inappropriate Good-Bye to Hydraulics.

Carl and Gerlinde (Instalment #46)

It was typical! Whenever Carl really needed some sympathy, nobody was home. Consequently, he gruffly pulled the front door closed after an expectant “Hello”.


ZZZZZimg213The only thing he found on the ledge in the hallway was a note saying:
’Am in the municipal office sorting winter clothes. Why don’t you come, too? It might get late. Kisses, Gerlinde’.

Hmm – Shit! Instead of a friendly face lighting up in welcome, all that drifted through the garden into the living room was the usual November blackness. The last bit of red heaven seemed to be embarrassed as it gracelessly disappeared behind the yellow tamarisk. Well, neither was it necessary for Carl to have any more heaven at the moment. Purgatory or hell would have been more like it…

He was still standing in the hallway when his bag flew out of his hand. His trench-coat and shoes were grumpily thrown in the direction of the clothes-stand. 
What a shitty day! – he said for the third time, automatically gripping the Brandy bottle! ’Carlos I’! In disgust, he fished for a glass on top of the house bar and threw himself onto the living room sofa with a moan. Listlessly, he stared at his reflection in the patio door pane that was darkened by the night outside. For his first ’Carlos’ he still toasted himself.

As he drank his second one, he was already in the phase of being annoyed with his stupid cerebellum for still circling around the nonsense the concern leaders had offered at today’s meeting. Not to mention all this reassurance drivel of our ’Ruling Fairy-Tale Auntie’, who, through her persistent ’We can do it – We can do it’ tried to preserve the long sleep of her nation that has been going on for ten years without any interruption.

Yes – who knew, perhaps she herself was ’Sleeping Beauty‘!

However, it seems that this was not even known to the overambitious Prince Seehofer in his overflowing-with-asylum-seekers Bavaria: otherwise he would never have been so disappointed about her not being prepared to wake up from that sorry state where she obviously did not know what happened in her realm.

Mind you, he had taken such pains, hadn’t he? Keeping her standing no less than twenty minutes next to him in front of the entire Bavarian Royal Household, just to show that she was well capable of sitting it out when he took command, just continuing to sleep standing up – as always.…

And Carl would probably have gone to sleep after his fourth ’Carlos’ if he had not accidentally activated the remote control of his TV. All of a sudden, he saw a rather excited TV moderator who foulmouthed an absent Schäuble in no uncertain terms, because said minister had totally unbecomingly broken the rules of how to describe the asylum seeker problem by not using the German ’hydraulic collective symbolic language’.

During an event the moderator briefly showed, he actually had – what a scandal! – compared the overwhelming influx of asylum seekers to Germany with an ’avalanche’ a careless skier might have triggered by moving the snow a little thoughtlessly: an avalanche of which at the moment nobody knew if it was already in the valley or still in the upper third of the mountain. 
This, so the moderator, was really disgusting! Such a totally wrong image is nothing short of inhuman and a catastrophe, said the moderator who had clearly been brainwashed to be mainstream! And this comparison was totally lopsided! After all, as opposed to the one-time alpinist Schäuble, our Federal Chancellor had never ever gone downhill skiing. In fact, she only ever went cross-country skiing, and even then only in the lowlands!

This totally unexpected avalanche-like deviation from the ’hydraulic collective symbolic language’ used by all the parties and media by the Federal Minister of Finances, so the moderator, was really evil!


And he asked what it might mean that Schäuble did such a thing at the very time when the Federal Chancellor was already clearly getting less and less backing both among the citizens and within the party? Is that how someone was massively rattling her guideline competence? Did this not show only the deep rips between CSU and CDU, but even within the CDU? Even in the Great Coalition?

What is the meaning of all this? The moderator apparently was not only asking himself, but also in the direction of Carl who, instead of replying, countered with a question of his own: the question if he, the extra wise Mister Moderator, knew how many glasses of Brandy he, Carl, had already drunk: four, five, six or seven? Because he himself certainly no longer knew 
After all, for him, so Carl told the moderator on the screen, the answer to that question was far more important than all this avalanche show! Because the answer was basically decisive when it came to the question if he, Carl, could still dare going to the municipal office and appear before the strict eyes of his ’winter-clothes sorting Gerlinde’, thus at long last actually doing something productive for the asylum seekers.

Or else if it was wiser to save face and stay at home, doing nothing practical? To make up for it, as before, he could start trumpeting one smart-assy solution after another into the world tomorrow, as soon as he was again sober. It was all about this difficult hydraulic asylum seeker topic which suddenly was also discussed like an avalanche…

Hm – it was truly a difficult decision, Carl told himself. And as such, it certainly should not be decided before the next ’Carlos ’, or should it?

KH
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday October 29th, 2015

Halloween in Vienna or the Vampire Hardware Problem …

A conversation with those beyond …
Wienaktuellfoto Of course, Gottlieb Bissinger is touring Vienna on Halloween Night, too! However, at three in the morning, he is rather confused when arriving at a totally dilapidated suburb railway station. Strange figures are about. He is not even sure yet if he will be able to catch a train to St. Pölten at this time of night. So far, he was neither able to see the platforms, nor any of the ticket sales booths. As usual when he knows no advice, he dials Mother’s number – and the connection to beyond actually works:

• Hello, Mum! It is me, Gottlieb! I am glad to catch you so late. But then, they do not sleep where you are, do they?

• ……………………………………….

• Well – you know what it is like with my sleeping habits? Three in the morning is the time when I usually call it a day! It always annoys Elfi if I want to nibble at her until three in the morning. …
• ……………………………………….

• Elfi? Who is Elfi? It is my new St. Pölten Girl!
• ……………………………………….

• No – Mama, Elfi is not one of our kind.
• ……………………………………….

• Elfi’s parents are true “No Vamp People”, totally boring salad eaters with no spirit to do anything hilarious – and sitting in front of the TV set every night, too. And, of course, at midnight, they lie in their beds, instead of, like our kind, still roaming around looking for a snack of blood …
• ……………………………………….

• Exactly, Mum – instead of a few nice drops of blood, her old man constantly drinks beer when sitting in front of the TV set – ’Schwechater’!
• ……………………………………….

• No, Mum, there is certainly no reason for you in the beyond to worry about me. These are very decent people! Just like you know them – the ’No Vamp People’: friendly, clean, without fantasy – and terribly industrious. Actually, they are really busy from dawn to dusk…
• ……………………………………….

• What? Well – you can say that again, Mum! Since those ’No Vamps’ sleep all night through, they certainly do not know what to do with all their energy in the daytime. So they ’busy themselves’ like crazy! Not like our kind, who are a little slow in the daytime. Especially after, again, you chose such a ’bloody moron’ with a poor cholesterol level.

• ……………………………………….
• Mum! This LDL cholesterol is really bad news! You would not believe how your head will just explode on the day after such an ’LDL bomb’. It really makes you want to screw off your head, put it in the next corner and leave! Really! These young over-eaten ’girlies ’ have no idea what they are inflicting on us vampires with their stupid ’fast food’ and the resulting crazy cholesterol levels…
• ……………………………………….

• Yes – you are absolutely correct, Mum! Basically, what they are doing at McDonalds with all this fast food on a daily basis is a threat to vampire health! You really should talk to the authorities about sending control brigades!
• ……………………………………….

• But Mum, that is ridiculous! I am sure you can still remember what happens with this kind of attempt at uproar in Austria? It will instantly be controlled by those ’up ahead’. Who in Vienna is ever interested in a bunch of blood suckers? If we wished those ’up ahead’ to wake up, we would probably have to sail the Neusiedler See on a rusty skiff and throw ourselves overboard. …
• ……………………………………….

• Sorry, Mama – you are right, that was truly over the top! I admit it and state the opposite! But you see, I am currently terrible tensed up…
• ……………………………………….

• Why tensed up? Well – as a vampire of today, you have all sorts of problems far worse than those stupid cholesterol levels! What do you think, Mum, how inconvenient, for instance, are all those shitty cable hanging from young person’s ears practically day and night, just because they have to spend all the time gallivanting on some App with their smartphones or damaging their brains with pop music …
• ……………………………………….

• No! Mum, you cannot know about those cables at all! A few years ago, they were not even invented …
• ……………………………………….

• You are asking why those cables are bad news, Mum? Well, it is clear, isn’t it? You basically can no longer bite into any neck without getting a cable between your teeth!
• ……………………………………….

• Exactly, Mum – with our long fangs, we get stuck all the time! And then, if those nervous creatures keep moving all the time while you bite them, then those cables will wind themselves around our canines like a lasso and you are practically imprisoned! Can you imagine how stupid that is?
• ……………………………………….

• No – Mum, but if you run, you will almost always pull the earphones from the ears of the ’girlie’ you have been biting, and the smartphone from her hand …
• ……………………………………….

• Mum, now you are being ’topnotch ’. You cannot imagine how loud those young ’materials’ yell. It sounds like they are being butchered! Even after you have sucked an entire litre of blood from them! Mum, they simply never get exhausted! They are filled with ’Red Bull’ to the brim!
• ……………………………………….

• No – the girlies do not mind so much being bitten! Except if you spoil their t-shirt! But the true catastrophe is when they are no longer online. That is when your problems begin!
• ……………………………………….

• Exactly – but if, whenever you bite, you get more cable than blood into your mouth, it is hardly a surprise if something like this happens, is it?
• ……………………………………….

• Mum! You in the beyond really have no idea what happens down here! Unless I watch like a hawk, these bold cunts will start filming me as soon as I so much as touch their skin. And then I will find myself on YOUTUBE before even having finished the meal and wiped my mouth! It is really weird, Mum …
• ……………………………………….

• Yes! And I am sure you can easily imagine how Elfie gets ballistic on seeing me on YOUTUBE sucking someone else’s blood! In almost all cases, she gets the heart piercer and then I am dead for the remainder of the week …
• ………………………………….

• No – it is definitely not nice, Mum, really not nice…
• ……………………………………….
• But please do not again go on about how I should have stayed at home in Natternbach and restricted myself to exclusively feed on Annerose …
• ……………………………………….

• Mum! – I told you a hundred times that a farm girl is not the right thing for me! I definitely would not wish to bite into a sweaty neck smelling of cow dung all the time – Mum, this is not what I want. In fact, it repels me. …
• ……………………………………….

• But Mum, what do you think how – compared to this – superhuman all those foreigners dancing around the Vienna Kärntnerstrasse at night in droves smell!
• ……………………………………….
• Yes – well, the aroma is of all nations you can imagine. …
• ……………………………………….

• And when one of those Japanese or Chinese girls is standing in front of the newly whitewashed St. Stephen’s Cathedral looking up, taking a picture and offering her white neck, then this is true paradise! If you manage to snap away at that moment!
• ……………………………………….

• Mum – what do you mean not to commit a sin? It is true paradise!
• ……………………………………….

• Well, you are right about that, Mum – naturally, Elfi is also paradise – but in a totally different way!
• ……………………………………….

• Why? Well, of late, Elfi seems to be creeping around like a heavenly ghost!
• ……………………………………….

• Well, you know my healthy blood appetite, don’t you? Just like Papa, but not everybody is up to it for a really long time – in fact, my next to last one, Herta, had the same problem!
• ……………………………………….

• Yes, truly a pity! Elfi is really a nice girl. Bloodless but nice!!
• ……………………………………….

• Well, Mum, it is quite possible that you will meet her today. After all, I have a terrible ’blood lust’ right now – and who can say if she survives it!
• ……………………………………….

• Well, now I really have to go! In this strange waiting room, some people already start giving me strange sideways glances! I am afraid if I keep talking, they will want my blood! But be not afraid. I am certainly fine! Bye, Mum – and treat Elfi nicely, she really deserves it. Bye!

KH
(Translated EG)

PS:
I took the picture from Google

Roland Dürre
Friday April 10th, 2015

What is Existence? What is a Human Being, What Am I?

And what about when I am dead?

🙂 ”To be – or not to be!“

That is not only a basic philosophical question, but also a wonderful song byPigor, in which he really goes on in Heidegger fashion.

Pigor is one of my favourite cabaret performers. In an inimitable way, he makes topics of everyday life and even of philosophy into very special songs. Those songs may be sweet-and-sour or bitter, but they are always humorous.

The question asked by the philosophers about the human existence is one thing. But I am not a philosopher. Yet I actually think about the question: “What is a human being?” and in particular “What am I?”, or, even more to the point: “What remains after my death?”. So what will happen when, in the sense of our civil law, the “natural person” of Roland Dürre will cease to exist?

And over the decades, I found an answer (for myself). Currently, it would read like this:

If you simplify it, I consist of four modules. You could actually make a beautiful axis of coordinates out of them. The four quadrants are my body, my soul, my property and the things I experienced and accomplished.

In this axis of coordinates, my body and my property are material, clearly defined items. After my death, they will initially be what is left of me. My soul, on the other hand, is the sum of all the things I experienced, lived through, learned, as well as my “accomplishments” in life and perhaps even after my death. Those are the immaterial things I cannot easily define.

And, of course, more questions arise. So let us start and analyse the four modules!

My body.

Let me start with my mortal shell – my body. Actually, I am pretty sure that, by now, I do not care what happens with my body after I am dead. Basically, it does not matter if it (me?) is cremated, inhumed, frozen or used for scientific purposes. I would probably advise my heirs to bury me anonymously, because then they will not have unnecessary stress (grave maintenance, etc.) with me.

When I was young, I would have said I wish my ashes to be sprinkled somewhere where I used to be happy (like on a soccer field, in a forest or in some other nice area I rode through on my bike). Today, this is no longer so important for me.

My property.

During all my life, I was rather lucky. Among other things, I managed to accumulate some riches. If you define property according to common regulations, I own shares (of InterFace AG), some realty and a little money. To be more precise: a small virtual fortune at a “bank”. That is a true delight for me. But then, there are two sides to everything in life. Consequently, there is now some kind of morals or super-ego that thinks I should draw up a will. But I hate planning and forcing others to do what I want. After all, it is hard enough to think for myself, so why should I think for others, as well?

Consequently, my only recommendation for my heirs is that they should, first and foremost, enjoy the addition to their own property due to my demise and then they should agree upon how to further distribute my small fortune peacefully. And I am quite confident, because that is exactly what I trust my wife and children will be able to do quite well.

So the question of my property is also solved. Now it starts getting more complicated. Let us start with my soul.

My soul.

This is where my – rather natural – incompetence starts: I do not even know if I have a soul! In fact, I cannot even say if such a thing as a soul exists. What is worse: even if I knew that I have a soul, I would not know how to define it! On the other hand, I cannot deny that in some superior context – which, according to my concept, I will never understand – something like a soul might exist. Fortunately, my friend Klaus-Jürgen Grün taught me that fear is something that only happens between the ears. Consequently, I am not afraid that my soul might someday end up rotting in hell.

For me, the topic “soul” is simply unfathomable. So I will put it aside. But then, what about the fourth quadrant? The one with my experiences and adventures, my knowledge and in particular my achievements or the effect I have had on others?

What I accomplished and experienced.

I am sure this is, again, something immaterial. During my long life, I met many persons. Some of them were nearer to me, others more remote. With some of them, I shared only a short segment of my life, with others, I went a long distance. Sometimes the time was intense, sometimes less so. There are quite a few people with whom I feel closely connected.

On the whole, all I can hope for is that I was more constructive than destructive and that there will therefore be a positive balance. That would be nice and I would find it quite sufficient.

Yet, there is also something quasi-material about all of this. That is what I wrote. And when I wrote, the same was true as in other dimensions of my life: I was rather the “expansive” type. For instance, I wrote down many of my emotions here in the IF Blog.

Which brings me to the last exciting question of this article:

What is to happen with the IF Blog?

Naturally, when I am dead, I cannot do anything for the blog. But I could give my heirs a recommendation. Should they terminate the IF Blog? Or should they continue with it?

🙂

RMD
(Translated by EG)

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday December 11th, 2014

What Happened to Germany? – Has it Really Gone to Sleep?

Carl and Gerlinde (XXXVIII)

Looking at his crumpled visage in the bathroom mirror, Carl initially spent some time wondering if he should instantly slap himself or wait until after breakfast! But then, you could not do it on an empty stomach, could you? Those worn-out corners of the mouth and this mildew tongue were just too disgusting! Besides, he feared that he might actually throw up any moment. Was it the stomach? Or was it the Halloween-mask?

The hot shower brought salvation!

Feeling the water glide over his head, back and bottom was like a life-spending electric impulse. When the chest, the stomach and the lifeless worm were also treated to some warm rain, Carls wobbly cerebrum, too, developed new momentum. In fact, even a few memories started finding their way through the alcohol-soaked synapses. The acute headache was also suddenly gone. After all, the one-and-a-half litres of Pinot Grigio in his blood system and liver had to find a way out of the body through perspiration, didn’t they? And the same was true for yesterday’s verbal tirades from Dr. Osterkorn alias Bernie and Miriam…

Admittedly, the ’wine-induced exchange of ideas’ of yesterday evening at Bernie’s favourite Italian restaurant had not come totally unexpectedly for Carl: after the disastrous collapse of sales numbers caused by the ’Russian Beating’, it had, naturally, been totally foreseeable that the sector leaders of TRIGA would have to fire rapidly and loudly.

Carl vaguely remembered that Bernie had said something more or less to that tune while carefully lathering his smelly armpits – phew! – it was really high time…
Basically, you had to admit that Bernie, too, was only someone driven by circumstances! The same was true for the directors and the concern management: they all had to achieve the planned profit margins. Without profit – no premium! Neither for the directors, nor for Bernie and his sector sales head Carl. Let alone Miriam, the person responsible for underwear.

You know what – what we need is a completely new narrative for our underwear, Bernie had then spontaneously thrown in while toasting Miriam and looking like a young bull – upon which she only sceptically raised her eyebrows. Yes – we badly need a truly revolutionary idea in order to tell the story of our slips, tops and bras in a totally new way and convince our customers narratively! Well, and perhaps the tops might again reach the navel in the next few years. And the ladies’ knickers might actually again be knickers, instead of only covering the pubic hair and being bottom cheek dividers?

When this fragment of memory made its way through his brain while he was lathering his bottom and with horror imagining thong slips for men, Carl had to laugh so hard that his injured body shook vehemently enough to cause the showering water – what shock – to noisily splash against the showering cabin …

Well, maybe Putin was right after all, Bernie had said aloud in his monologue, when he started keeping the Russian ladies away from these ’knickers fragments” this summer and instead in a future-oriented way pointing them back towards knickers that actually deserved the name. Who can blame him for, in the same process, re-adjusting the scale of values for the ’New Russia’? After all, great, proud Russia can never be permitted to sink as low as the decadent West and pay homage to ideals the top incarnation of which is the embodiment of a ’Conchita Wurst’! Well, this is totally comprehensible, isn’t it?

And how do you propose we do this, my dear Bernie? Miriam suddenly became poisonous: are we now supposed to run around in underpants that reach up to the neck and hide underneath the cashmere caftan? Well, good luck to you, you who understand Putin. I am sure you only want us back in the nineteenth century in order to retrieve the Russian business! If that is so, let me know long enough in advance. I will be gone faster than you can say ’Indiana Jones’!

Carl, who by now had lathered himself down to the toes, had been rather surprised to see how spiritedly Miriam had snapped at her Bernie. That had really been good to see. In fact, it deserved an extra-strong massage spurt on his back and loins! Heavenly – true bliss. …

What lucky stroke that the meal had followed instantly, otherwise Miriam and Bernie would have started a really biting verbal duel. As it was, Bernie was able to bite into his roast lamb and Miriam to nibble on her baked gilthead seabream while he loaded himself hastily with his lamb goulash in lemon sauce. Actually, while doing so, he was forced to keep his mouth closed.

Since, apparently, Bernie was a stranger to such manners and kept talking with his mouth full, he allowed Carl and Miriam to participate in his tender roast lamb by spreading it on the tablecloth in small portions. On the other hand, this enabled him to seamlessly move from Putin to Merkel. From the latter, he repeatedly demanded a narrative for Germany similar to the one Putin had delivered for the ’New Russia’!

But I am sure, Miriam, also seamlessly continued in her acerbic tone while making short and expert shrift of her own gilthead seabream, Bernie, that you will not now demand the model of a radical ’underwear about-face’ from ’Mama Merkel’ after her ’Energy About-Face’, will you?

Of course not, Bernie munched, but ’Our Angela’ would be well advised to surprise the German People with a nice and usable ’narrative for Germany’, instead of permanently singing us a lullaby of empty words! We would certainly benefit from being more concerned with the rest of the world, instead of constantly agonizing under our own fears! Only ’German Angst’ is a little thin, isn’t it, Carl?

Indeed, that was something Carl, still showering, absolutely agreed with, before finally turning off this immensely satisfying massage spurt. Incidentally, after the water massage, you had to do some ’Cold Showering’! And in order to do that, you needed at least the same degree of discipline as for the development of a narrative for Germany…

But, lo and behold: it had not been possible to hold back Little Osterkorn. After Miriam’s reprimands and the roast lamb, he not only craved after an instant Titamisu, but simultaneously came along with narrative ideas. Or had it been Miriam? She thought that, in a new narrative for Germany, we should not only keep repeating the Second World-War, the Rebuilding and the Holocaust like a mantra. Also, we should not limit ourselves to talking about the East-West division and Europe, but additionally point out that Germany had lately turned into a very coveted immigration country. Neither should we forget to mention the fact that, for example, during the last two soccer world championships, it even was suddenly considered hip, multi-culti, joyous and colourful!

Well, this was the moment when Carl had had enough of the ’Cold Shower’! Shivering with cold, he jumped out of the shower cabin, rubbed himself with the beach towel moaning noisily and absolutely did not want to be reminded that he – perhaps he had already been a little tipsy at the time – had stubbornly wished to include the ’energy about-face’ into the new Germany Narrative after Miriam’s wise outline. His tongue had grown heavy when he insisted that such a procedure would actually practically by itself cause a fundamental change in paradigm for the underwear business: after all, warm underwear would inevitable also reduce the heating, which then would also affect the CO2 emission! Wasn’t this clear as can be?

And based on these facts, Frau Merkel would – through the warm underwear as massively subsidized by the government – probably easily be able to counter all sceptics with total serenity in her typical lack of precision that the country of the ’poets and isolators’ will actually fulfil its very ambitious climate promise made to the European Community! In fact, we might even end up far beyond those promises, providing the Great Coalition were – in violation of the coalition contract – to decide that now ’thermo underwear’ is to be subsidized as massively as insulation of buildings, as suggested by Herrn Siegmar Gabriel. Naturally, all these measures would have to leave the “black zero” as propagated by Herrn Schäuble untouched, which is something that, even if having no influence on the world climate, would be immensely detrimental to the CDU – which was the only thing that counted! If Frau Merkel never said this in Carl’s mental concept, it was still what she believed.

It must have been shortly after this that his personal memory broke down, because he does not remember Bernie’s loud rejoicing. And Gerlinde alone knew how he had returned home. She, however, did not wish to see him this morning, which in itself was a little strange, wasn’t it?

KH
(Translated by EG)

Roland Dürre
Sunday November 2nd, 2014

Wasn’t the Last Millennium Totally Crazy?

In the last century, before the turn of the millennium, everything was different.

In those days, managers still believed in the predictability of the future. What is more: they were convinced that growth is something that can continue endlessly.

People living at the time had the impression that everything can be done and that, thanks to technology and progress, all problems can be solved. After all, humans as the crown of creation felt they were omnipotent – far above the animals. And they believed everything can be controlled.

The motto was: faster, higher, bigger, further and more comfortable.

Engineers and technocrats were in charge. A life without cars was unthinkable. Individual traffic with heavy vehicles and a combustion motor, also for individual persons, was a self-evident human right for everyone – just like the short vacation in the “DomRep” or in Thailand. A society was considered “developed” if the poor, too, could afford to buy a car!

Weekend trips to London or Madrid, just like short vacations to New York or Abu Dhabi helped the people to overcome their boredom in a mundane fashion. Consumption was the method you chose in order to give yourself importance and buy happiness. Regardless, stinginess was considered cool and money was the new religion. Using this concept, it was quite easy to destroy the world.

Professors at university taught us that good managers will never have to react. Instead, they will always act. Because the good ones will see into the future. Just like, in 1968, the chain-smoking and therefore constantly coughing driving instructor, who, due to his looks, was nicknamed “Old Death” had taught me that a good (German) driver will always foresee what will happen in the next second.

The universities also taught us that a manager always has to be free of emotions and personal feelings. Decision making science recommended that, first and foremost, we always collect enough information. Afterwards, you had to evaluate and analyse them absolutely objectively. Only after this step, you would then have to decide in a very rational and logical way, without all emotion. And while doing so, you have to ignore intuition and heuristics as deceptive factors.

This was also the reason they gave why a “normal woman” had no business in management. Because women – with very few exceptions – are just too much driven by their emotions. Obviously, women in “high” management positions were the exception from the rule. And those who were actually looked like men.

Textbooks also said that an organization is good if and only if the highest manager is able to control the entire system as he desires by “adjusting just a few screws”.

Consequently, the companies oriented themselves at military ideals when forming their organizational structures. Hierarchy was the standard, only very few ultra-modern enterprises were bold enough to try a matrix cooperation and even fewer were courageous enough to try “cooperative leadership”. Terms such as self and network organization were out of the question, just like transparency and agility were feared. Everything was dominated by “simple-mindedness instead of diversity”, rather than the “wisdom of the masses”.

Taylorism, moralizing processes and globalization were held to be the success recipe for the economy and to guarantee prosperity for the entire world. All the big enterprises aimed at world market leadership at all times. At the same time, the exploitation of humans and all kinds of resources grew geometrically.

On the other hand, the mass was considered a primitive mob. Citizens were said to be stupid and taken for fools. Marketing manipulated the masses, lobbyism removed their interests. Those who voted in a democracy were considered election-booth fodder. Their wish for peace was overruled with invented and hugely propagated anxieties.

Those who reigned, along with the governments knew a lot better what is good for everybody. They even drew up laws which ignored existing judicial practice and constitutional rights. This is how the citizens were spied on and made fun of in masses. More often than not, this happened in order to satisfy interests and demands of foreign power or powerful concerns.

In extreme cases, even courts of justice were declared no longer responsible. In their place, obscure arbitral courts were instituted. Citizens who had violated tax legislation were severely punished. At the same time, the exact same countries created “tax oases” for concerns.

And worst of all was: the governments believed they could shape order in the world with wars and create peace with weapons.

Well, I am happy that those times are now over.

RMD

(June, 20th, 2030)

Roland Dürre
Monday October 27th, 2014

Tolerance & Religion

Currently, I am thinking a lot about morals and ethics. One of the reasons is that I discovered how, for almost all persons, moral rules dominate almost all their decisions. This is especially true for all my wrong decisions.

Until recently, I believed that decisions are usually based on either rationality and common sense (brains, ratio) or intuition and heuristics (gut feeling). I thought this was also true for my own decisions.

And now I discover that I was profoundly wrong in many cases (and had to suffer consequences). Simply because I believed: “this is how I had to decide, because this is what you do”. Or in other words: I was incapable of resisting (too cowardly to resist?) the “this is how you do it” or the “this is not what you want to do”. Because my decisions (especially the bad ones) were influenced by morals and moralizing.

Besides morals and ethics, you will also find some ingredients in the Hotpot of philosophy which are hard to digest, such as “religion” or the virtue “tolerance”.

Because:
“For us, religion is sacred!”
and
“You have to be tolerant!”

I, too, believe tolerance is a precious value. The ethical person will say:

You should always be tolerant!

Tolerance beats morals!
The only thing you should be intolerant about is intolerance!

Well, one might counter that intolerance against intolerance is again intolerance, isn’t it?

Let us take a look at tolerance in practice using the example of religion. Both our Federal Constitution and the Bavarian Constitution give the “Freedom of Religious Practices” very special protection. It is almost conspicuous. And the law drawn up in accordance with the constitutional regulation strictly prohibits the violation of “religious sentiments”.

Instead of just demanding tolerance and respect, it actually means you have to subjugate yourself before the religious sentiments of others if you really strictly want to abide by it.

For me, this requirement is too much. Who is to decide what is a religion and what is not? A mass takes upon itself an absolute obligation towards theories and rules they basically themselves invented. In doing so, they cite a special, higher, external non-explainable instance. And then they systematically hand this “belief” on from generation to generation – which eventually leads to the creation of such systems as churches with all their advantages, but also with very significant disadvantages.

But how to decide which kind of belief that has become a system is a religion? And who is fit to decide? If I carefully read the chapter about religion on the Bavarian Constitution, then I get the impression that the fathers of the constitution mostly meant the Christian religions. And among those only the “better” variant.

So is this absolute tolerance demand for “religious sentiments” really acceptable? Especially if people who are victims of their religion believe themselves to be in possession of the absolute truth and consequently demand things which in the worst but frequent case violate humanity?

Perhaps this is why the beautiful term tolerance has now deteriorated to become a “buzzword” – just like, unfortunately, did the words freedom, common welfare and sustainability.

A short time ago, I demanded tolerance in my commentary on a blog. I also called it a basic “primary virtue”. And the reactions told me that there are actually some moralists who already seriously demand a “tolerance police”.

RMD
(Translated by EG)

P.S.

For the time being, this is my last post on morals and the like. After all, opposing morals and moralization is already some kind of morals and moralization.

😉 Starting tomorrow, I will again write about whatever comes to mind from everyday life.

Klaus Hnilica
Thursday October 23rd, 2014

Halloween in Hanau or ‘Viennese Blood’

A vampire’s vicious circle

spanish-riding-school
Elias Hupka-Hürlimann has now been living in Hanau for quite some time. Because it is Halloween, he finally wants a wish he has long had to come true: for the first time ever, he organizes an elaborate vampire party in his big flat, which is part of a Hanau Old Town Villa. This is going to be one party where nothing has been forgotten! Especially not first quality blood! His girl-friend Susanne advises him to order the famous ’Vienna Blood’ offered by a famous Vienna agency situated in the Blood Lane of Vienna’s First District! Elias calls them on a Tuesday; after the second ring, a young voice answers:

• International Vampire Party Service ’Blood Lust’ – this is Gottlieb Bissinger speaking – how can I help you?

• ………………………………………..

• Well, Mister Herr Hupka-Hürlimann, I am truly delighted to hear you are calling us at the recommendation of someone else. It means we are probably often doing the right thing and our customers are happy with what they get, doesn’t it?

• ………………………………………..

• May I ask where this German city of Hanau you are calling from is situated?

• ………………………………………..

• Ah – it is near Frankfurt on the river Main – yes, of course, everybody is familiar with that! However, Hanau is a city I have never heard about. But that is certainly not a problem – in fact, isn’t it nice to know that even townships like Hanau have their own vampires? That gives us hope?

• ………………………………………..

• Well – you see, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, in Vienna, we do not only have Heurige and Coffee Shops, but also a very dignified ’Vampire Blood Service’!

• ………………………………………..

• Actually, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, you should not forget that we here in Austria have a century old vampire tradition.
• ………………………………………..

• Certainly not England – the first documented vampire ever came from Istria in Croatia, which as early as 200 years ago became part of the Austrian-Hungarian Monarchy. This is a fact!

• ………………………………………..

• Prey, do laugh – after all, we all need some fun, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! It is rather nice to know that we already understand each other well enough to share a good laugh. That is the kind of thing that makes everything a lot easier, isn’t it?

• ………………………………………..

• Naturally, Vienna is a fantastic place for Vampires! To tell the truth, here in this city, they do not only appreciate the occasional sip of wine, but also the tasty suck of blood! Especially if it originated with the right kind of bunny and has the desired flow to it!

• ………………………………………..

• No, no – there is certainly no shortage! You see, we have all those retired persons in Vienna, an ample supply of choir boys and masses of Lipizzaner horses! Now this is something you will probably not believe, but the very young suckers, that is to say, the ’bloody young lollers’ really like to first practice with one of those dripping retired necks before proceeding with particular lust by using the white young necks of choir boys or choir girls! Well, and for every day, they sometimes take a Lipizzaner horse – this is simply a fact of life!!

• ……………………………………….
• Of course not during the performances of the ’Spanish Riding School”, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, that goes without saying! I mean afterwards, when the Lipizzaner horses have been taken back to their stables and are tired and hardly able to move. …
• ………………………………………..

• No, we do not exclusively staff our company with vampires! That would be something the inspectorate division would not permit! Here in this country, everything is well regulated, as everybody knows. Even the vampire quota! In fact, it is quite possible that this regulation originated as early as the monarchy?

• ………………………………………..

• Of course, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, all must always be in order! In our delicate blood business, anything else would be unthinkable. What do you think how many ’Good People’ constantly are on our backs, wanting to let something stick with us! We have to be extra careful at all times …

• ………………………………………..

• Exactly! And since we have these restrictions for our employees, Mister Hupka- Hürlimann, we only employ true vampires in very limited numbers in our party service – everything else would be much too expensive, anyway!

• ………………………………………..

• No way! What do you think! We at the party service ’Blood Lust’ are organized in such a way that 70% of the employees are so-called NVP-s, that is ’Non Vampire People’! And of the remaining 30%, 20% are HVP-s, that is ’Hetero Vampire People’, which means that they are sometimes this and sometimes that. Only 10%, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, are true PVP-s, i.e. ’Pure Vampire People’! As you see, the ratio is truly minimal!

• ………………………………………..

• You are perfectly correct! The press makes far too much ado about it! If you are honest, you really cannot say there is a vampire excess here in the entire EU. In fact, we have a sad lack! A few more would actually be quite a good thing for all this ’SpinTopGame ’, you can believe me…

• ………………………………………..

• Correct – as you can see in our team! We here in our optimized service department ’Blood Lust’ are no more than six people!

• ………………………………………..

• What? You are asking if only six out of ten employees are true vampires?

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, that is absolutely correct, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! I see you must be a true mathematician, otherwise you would not have done the computation that quickly! Congratulations!

• ………………………………………..

• How we handle the six out of ten employees?

• ………………………………………..

. Well, it is very simple: it means that Hubert, our only vampire, only works and acquires after midnight – that is how easy it is!

• ………………………………………..

• Certainly, sir. As you see, sometimes matters are easier than one would have assumed? But now, what about your order, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann? What exactly can we provide for you?
• ………………………………… ..

• Leiwand – well, it certainly facilitates things if you already informed yourself on our homepage about all the products and services we offer.

• ………………………………………..

• You definitely can order everything immediately via telephone! We are used to not making much of a fuss about things!

• ………………………………………..

• Just tell me all you need, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann – and I will enter everything in our central computer:

• ………………………………………..

• I understand – you want 50 litres of bio blood type A and 30 litres of bio blood type AB, but none of blood type B! Your German guests are not keen on this one! Well, this is interesting information, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann!

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, you are right! Blood type B tastes a little stale, doesn’t it? Your experts in Hanau will probably call it furry! Now tell me, are you particular about the Rhesus Factor?

• ……………………………………….

• No! Well, I can easily understand that! Yes, you are absolutely correct: as far as taste is concerned, the Rhesus Factor really is not a big deal; especially if you serve it sparkled on lots of ice! You will taste practically no difference between the rhesus factors: neither in the bouquet, nor as you swallow it!

• ………………………………………

• Is there anything else you would like, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann?

• ………………………………………

• What? You want to know what the ’bio ’ in our blood product label means?

• ………………………………………

• To be sure! Basically, you can say blood is always bio! But in our case it means that it is really the purest quality, still having this inimitable blood smell! After all, ours is a certified brand – if you know what I mean.

• ………………………………………

• Well – as I am sure you read in our prospectus, we also deliver blood products in totally different flavours!

• ……………………………………….

• Yes! That is blood we mostly get from passionate wine drinkers. It smells just a little bit of ’Blauem Zweigelt’ or ’Grünem Veltliner’! Or of Riesling! But we are talking really only a very tiny bit of flavour. This is something for real gourmets! You have to be blessed with an extremely fine-tuned tongue, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! Incidentally, currently we also have huge quantities of blood with a delicious Vodka flavour for the not quite so fine-tuned tongue! I would very much recommend it if you want something really noticeable – not just some subtlety!

• ………………………………………..

• Indeed, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann, this blood is imported from the Ukraine on a daily basis, which makes it excellent quality, since it has been directly flown here from the war zone!

• ………………………………………..

• Yes – I am sure you want to try it – it is truly delicious and extravagant. I am sure your party guests will relish every drop of it. …

• ………………………………………..

So here I am adding another 10 litres of AB with Vodka flavour and another five litres AB with ’Blauen Zweigelt – body’ to your order. Great, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! This is such a well-balanced order that I can only congratulate you in the most sincere way in the name of our house! Truly!

• ………………………………………..

• What? Who are our suppliers? Well, we do it all through the very professional Amazone Drone Service! They are just top! Their deliveries are reliable and always on time! Never any problems!

• ………………………………………..

• You are right! This is another sector where Amazone cooperates directly with the NSA. Consequently, they always know practically in real-time where and when the latest blood sources can be tapped …

• ………………………………………..

• Yes, it is truly a great thing! There is no other way to say it! At long last, they found a use of modern technology that absolutely makes sense! Apart from this, they only use technology for nonsense, don’t they?

• ………………………………………..

• Yes – so again many thanks for your order, Mister Hupka-Hürlimann! I hope you will soon again be our customer! And as I said: delivery will be prompt and discrete! Just like is always our custom in this house!

• …………………………………………..

• And a special greeting from colleague to colleague! I guess you are also one of those true blood suckers, just like I am?

• …………………………………………..

• You know, something always tells me immediately! This kind of similarity makes you a nice person in my eyes, even if you are a Piefke! No offense meant! And greetings again…

KH
(Translated by EG)