This morning, SPIEGEL ONLINE posted the following item of news at google+ (and probably in some other social media, as well):

So far the original SPIEGEL ONLINE message.

Initially, I liked it very much. Later I decided I did not like it, after all. In this small poem by Robert Gernhardt, the “normal roles“ of humans and God are switched in a humorous yet sobering way.

A short time ago, one of my friends said he would be more than delighted to finally meet a God. He would give God a nice time of day and try to get along with him in the same friendly way as with all his other contemporaries.

And he meant in neither in a cynical nor in a pompous manner. Actually, I like that a lot better than the nice Robert Gernhardtian irony.

RMD
(Translated by EG)

Absolutely impossible. There is no way this could be true!

I mean the news about the ’divine particle’ that, allegedly, has been found in Switzerland: in Switzerland of all places, which, after all, is paved with dirty money, they now say they found the ’divine particle’? Now this is hard to believe, isn’t it? …

Well, let us just – purely hypothetically – assume that the ’Higgs – Boson’ they claim to have separated early in July at the CERN (the European Centre for Particle Physics) is actually the ’divine particle“ the media say it is. Would it not, according to the ’Susy-Rule’ – that is the super symmetry rule – at least as said ’Susy ’ is commonly understood and if all is above board (which, incidentally, can be expected when we are talking ’divine particles’ can’t it?) – be reasonable to expect an ’Higgs – Böson’, as well? The logical conclusion, of course, being that said ’Böson ’ can only be a ’satanic particle’! What else could it be? Such a ’Böson ’ can only come straight from hell!

And, naturally, the fact that said ’divine particle’ was found first in the Geneva ’Large Hadron Collider’ (LHC) – thus beating said ’satanic particle’’Böson’, – must also be considered a heavenly symbol! That is pretty clear, isn’t it?  And with the exception of some communist or Islamic fundamentalist, nobody will be particularly surprised. After all, this expensive technological miracle, this LHC, can be found not in North Korea or in some Mosque in Iran, but in the middle of the Christian Occident, namely in Switzerland. Which, despite its neutrality and beneficial cornucopia of dirty money accounts, is a country still closely connected with the Christian – Jewish cultural area!

On the other hand, it is admittedly a little upsetting that this alleged ’divine particle“, according to the ’standard model theory’ , is perhaps the smallest of all the ‚Higgs – Bosons’ , which  might be the reason why those guys at LHC found it before the hypothetical ’satanic particle’ , the ’Higgs – Böson’!  And they probably paid no more for the necessary electricity than a ridiculous 16 million Euros! For a ’divine particle“, that is certainly a ridiculously small price. After all, a ’Ronaldo’ alone, who is only the ’eleventh part of Royalty’ costs easily ten times that much! You really have to come to terms with those facts, you know. Something is definitely a little rotten, isn’t it?

But it actually gets worse! What will happen if, perhaps in three or four months, perhaps at the price of 20 million Euros or more for electricity, suddenly one of those evil ’satanic particles’ will get stuck in the Atlas and CMS detectors of the LHC? Then what? Is something as unfathomable as this conceivable at all? Can it be permitted to happen at all inside our Christian-Occidental value system that a ’divine particle’ is less expensive than a ’satanic particle”? Would such a thing not make everything we ever believed in tumble down on us? And, mind you, on top of this we are talking something that was financed by our unsullied tax money?

Can we really allow this to happen – that after three years of modification that cost more than three billion Euros a machine that has a diameter of 27 kilometres found a Boson called ’Higgs’ after a hundred and fifty trillion proton collisions and for an electricity bill of a ridiculous 16 million Euros?  I mean ’Higgs’ of all names – not ’Gottschalk’ or ’Benedikt’ or, well, even, God willing, ’Schavan’? There is no doubt that Germany, again, paid most for the ’Boson’, is there?

But no, they must name it ’Higgs’, this ’Boson’! Higgs –  like you are burping in a state of  alcoholic stupor! And this is what they call a ’divine particle’? No – absolutely not! Well, now that they fucked up the naming of this ’Boson’, all that is left for us to hope for is that, maybe, the CERN people will, by the time they will eventually find the ’satanic particle’ – with the ’Higgs – Böson’, they will delete the ’Higgs’ and instead put a nice satanic, German name before the ’Böson’? I could give them quite a list of candidates…

KH
(Translated by EG)

PS:
The wonderful picture was taken from Wikipedia!