Klaus Hnilica
Sunday January 28th, 2018

Pouring Water on Hot Stones

Carl and Gerlinde (Instalment # 56)

Basically, the year 2018 had begun quite well.

At least for Carl. And the same was true for Gerlinde.

Visiting the sauna as early as the third Sunday afternoon of the month, which actually was in January, had been an absolutely great idea of Gerlinde’s.

Naturally, when Carl finally came strutting into the overheated cabin, she had already been lying naked on her sauna towel and luxuriating for quite some time.

The critical glimpse she gave him when he arranged his towels on the sauna bench were not really something new – he knew and felt it …

If you continue to refuse more exercise, you will soon need to wear my brassiere, was her uncouth – and perspiring – comment.

Are you saying that you consider your own bosom too small and consequently we are looking at plans for a beauty operation? Carl sanctimoniously asked – he was not yet perspiring.

No, that is not what I am saying. I am totally satisfied with my bosom, thank you very much.

So there is not going to be a breast expansion, including skin smoothing in the near future, Carl murmured while he kept rearranging his already perfectly arranged sauna towel. The small towel that lay at the top end and had been folded several times, too, was perfectly arranged.

No, Carl – but looking at you, I find that your body offers quite a bit of potential for smoothing.

Well – then why don’t you look the other way …

That is what I do most of the time, anyway. But there are times, like this one, when I can hardly avoid looking at you. And then I notice that you are no longer what you used to be, Carl.

At long last and without another words, Carl very diligently took his place on the very meticulously arranged sauna bench, after having given Gerlinde an unnerved grin.

Especially your breasts go more and more south! Gerlinde insisted.
Hm – and that is why I should wear your brassieres? Carl asked as the first beads of perspiration appeared on his face, on his stomach and between his buttocks.

No, that is not what I suggest – but how about shovelling in less chocolate?
Well, you know, Gerlinde, not everybody has to have your slimness mania and wants to look as corpse-like as you!

No, that is absolutely true, but then, nor does everybody need to be so lazy and overeating as you have become in recent years, my dear Carl.

You are rather snappish today, aren’t you, said Carl. He made his cumbersome way from the sauna bench and poured four ladles of water over the sauna coal. He knew that this would soon be too hot for Gerlinde.

She actually gave a short moan, but then she said: well, Carl, go ahead. After all, you are the one with the more sensitive heart condition!

Do you know, Gerlinde, what I would like best right now? I would really like to place you under the cold shower and keep you there until you have returned to being your normal and peace-loving self.

Why don’t you? You can also flagellate me, chain me to the cooling bed or torture me in some other way, but …

But what?

But alternatively, you could activate your cervix and ask yourself if, maybe, it would be a good idea to torture your own Apollo-like body, instead of always just …

What exactly do you mean when you say torture? Carl’s comment when he interrupted sounded somewhat tormented.

All I mean is that you might decide to exercise more and develop healthier eating habits.

Ah, Carl moaned while turning left on his sauna towel with a lot of perspiring and moaning. Now, for the first time, he actually had Gerlinde in his line of vision.

He continued by asking if, with this, she wanted to hint at ’modern times’ now being ahead for them, too!

You really tend to be extremely drama-oriented when something does not work exactly as you wanted it to, Gerlinde lamented.

Well, isn’t that inevitable if now I am threatened with lactose intolerance, veganism and Helene Fischer, rather than sex, drugs and Rock’n Roll!

What strange slogans you always come up with, Carl!

Yes – yours truly and his slogans.

What is so evil about people being health-conscious and taking good care of their body? Gerlinde murmured to herself.

Well, if you do not understand, my dear Gerlinde, then I cannot help you, either – in fact, now I have to get some fresh air, otherwise I will really go crazy with all this over-heated nonsense …

But be cautious, Carl. Our overweight neighbour is always eyeing your bacon hump, or whatever!

And you will keep a watchful eye on her wire-haired dachshund – who will never say no to a bone…

(Translated by EG)

4 Kommentare zu “Pouring Water on Hot Stones”

  1. rd (Sunday January 28th, 2018)

    Bin wieder zurück aus der Südsee und werde unter anderem im nächsten Artikel vom neuesten Gast in unserem WLAN, meiner neuen “smarten Waage” von PHICOMM, berichten. Das ist ein tolles Teil!
    Die dazugehörige App informiert mich neben meinem Gewicht über diverse Werte wie BMI, „biologisches Alter“, Körperfett, Typ meiner Figur, Muskelmasse, Knochenmasse, Wassergehalt, Viszeralfett (Bauchfett), Grundumsatz in kcal, Eiweiß und meinen Körperzustand.
    Sie sagt mir auch, wie groß der Anteil meiner Körperteile (Rumpf, Arm und Bein links wie rechts) an Muskelmasse in kg und Körperfett in %) ist. Und vor allem kann ich graphisch die Veränderung dieser Werte mit verfolgen.
    Vielleicht sollte die Gerlinde dem Carl so eine schenken. Ich hätte für die Gerlinde sogar einen Rabatt-Gutschein für das Phicomm-Modell.

  2. KH (Sunday January 28th, 2018)

    Schön, dass du wieder heil zuhause angekommen bist, lieber Roland.
    Aber deine ‘smarte Waage’macht selbst mir Angst. Die ist nur etwas fürdie ‘Helden’!Ich denke nämlich, dass die wenigsten Männer so genau über sich Bescheid wissen wollen.Von Carl weiß ich das jedenfalls definitiv.Es wär’ auch nicht auszumalen, was passierte, wenn alle diese von dir genannten Daten in Gerlindes Fingerchen gelangten – das wär’ echt eine Kathastrophe.Das gäb ja den ‘Gläsernen Carl’????

  3. MT (Monday January 29th, 2018)

    Der Rauhaardackel für eine tägliche Waldrunde wäre doch schon einmal ein glasklarer Anfang für den armen Carl…

  4. Klaus Hnilica (Monday January 29th, 2018)

    Geht leider nicht! Für eine ordentliche Waldrunde ist der Rauhaardackel der Nachbarin zu fett!

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