Carl and Gerlinde (X)
„Well, even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn“, grumbled Carl. After all, the hotel Gerlinde had chosen did not look too bad at first sight!
The only thing that annoyed him was that, judging by the number of cars in front of the hotel, surprisingly many people could afford to spend time in the expensive Southern Tyrolian mountains. Hadn’t they planned to make these few days away from home something very special just for himself and his dear Gerlinde?
What a pity …
Carl would certainly have seen fit to really relax after the strain of twelve hours in the car, if only there had not been so many tourists all over the place. They destroyed his tendency towards a good mood as a matter of principle. And this unplanned bad mood even continued after Gerlinde had unpacked and stowed things away precisely according to his orders, which gave him at least a minimum chance of finding a fresh pair of underpants without having to throw out everything in the process of looking for them in the far too steep shelves. The same was true for socks – if he desired to wear his comfortable sandals. …
On the contrary: his evil mood got even more evil when he made his grumpy way along the stream towards the centre of town with Gerlinde where all they found were entire hordes of sun-roasted „touris“. They looked so relaxed and well-rested that he probably would not even have minded seeing some plague-spots, just in order to get a little contrast to this open-air plebs. On witnessing this disgusting self-content sitting in front of colourfully flag-decorated ice-cream sundeas and huge beer glasses in the evening sun, Carl not only started feeling his blood pressure explode to lofty heights; he also started wondering if the financial crisis had actually passed by all these Southern Tyrolian ravine wiseguys without causing any damage. Or maybe they were all just pretending?
Judging by the way they were sitting around and strutting between their tables here in Ortisei, it looked like money was of no consequence to them! Apparently, all they had to do was snap their fingers – and here it was…
Or how else did it all work out?
Mind you, right at the outset of this vacation, Carl had told Gerlinde that, this time, they would have to be extra careful with their money. After all, you never knew how the future ws going to look, did you? And Gerlinde had actually confirmed that this was exactly how she herself felt, telling him that she would not disappoint him in the matter…
With all his inner grumbling about the unfairness of it all, Carl had not even noticed how Gerlinde had already announced three times that she would like her cup of coffee, along with a piece of “Schwarzwälder Kirsch” fancy cake – provided the Italians served such a thing at all?
„You just wait and see“, said Carl with surprising energy, immediately squeezing behind the far too small tables in the nearest corner coffeehouse, taking both his bulky stomach and Gerlinde with him. Apparently, the tables had been made for the vertically challenged Italians. It seemed like those who had formerly worked in Germany as cleaning service were the ones who brought the money, instead of the „German-Mark-Owners“ who, unfortunately, now also had to contend with those strange Euros, along with those stupid coins called „Cents“.
What disregard!
But then, what could you expect from Italians? To be sure, Gerlinde always literally melted away whenever she saw one of those sleazy types. Well, women! He certainly would have liked to know where they had any character. It was certainly not inside their heads! If he was totally honest, he was actually delighted when it turned out that this Italian hovel served no „Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte“. All they had were dry „Parozzo“ that looked like a cookie monster and those disgustingly sweet Torone pieces. The coffee was also something he could easily have done without! It tasted so bitter, iik…
And the next downers were to follow immediately!
When Gerlinde returned from buying the six-day ticket for the cable cars and lifts of the entire region at the information service, she confessed that she had almost gotten the shock of her life. Incidentally, he had preferred to remain where he was and drink another glass of beer. Gerlinde was filled with indignation and called it pure rip-off.
It was unbelievable what people expected you to put up with!
And nobody ever seemed to complain!
In fact, people stood in the queue with such total goodwill before all those booths that you could compare them with sheep waiting devotionally for the yearly shearing until you not only pulled their wool over their ears, but the entire skin along with it; most of them actually seemed to enjoy it?
And just look at how they dressed! Now those outfits cetainly did not come cheap! In particular, numerous Italians ran around wearing the most expensive clothes. Well, having to see it all could really dampen your enthusiasm for Luis Trenker and his Golden Peaks. That was Carl’s comment when Gerlinde started telling him about the six-day tickets – the price of which he was no longer eager to find out, anyway…
And wasn’t it strange that, after one week, it was a man from Munich of all places who offered some little consolation. Mind you, Carl had never liked people from Munich. With their free state of Bavaria and their stupid “Wiesn”, where every other corner stank of urine, they really always thought no end of themselves and their „White-Blue“ skies.
It was this gentleman from Munich – he incidentally also looked the part – who catapulted him out of his escalating grumpiness when they were going up the Secceda in an eight-person lift: because it was this gentleman from Munich, along with his wife who, as he later admitted, had been born in Landshut, and his two grandchildren who, for a change, were not wearing the latest fashion in outfits, found the sum of 52 Euros for one way up and back down absolutely outrageous.
Unbelievable, he stammered in his Bavarian beer voice, as he looked for moral support in the direction of Carl and another couple who told them they were Swiss.
“After all”, he cried while his face got red, “it means that a single ride, one for which the children do not even have to pay, costs 104 Deutsche Marks! Just imagine. 104 DM for going up this mountain by cable car. Now wasn’t that absolutely atrocious?“.
Carl agreed with the excited gentleman from Munich, if hesitantly, by nodding vehemently. He even encouraged Gerlinde to tell them what she had paid for the six-day ticket – he was sure it must have been less -, because he thought the man would get even more annoyed on hearing it. The gentleman called it a sorry state of affairs and was wondering all over the place where all this might end. He did not even quiet down when the gentleman from Switzerland told him that everything was even more expensive there.
Outwardly, Carl shared the great sorrow of the poor Bavarian gentleman. Secretly, however, he felt how something melted away inside him!
At long last, this constantly growing clump building up in his stomach for many days now suddenly started getting smaller and smaller. In fact, in some mysterious way, it seemed to turn into some kind of increasing well-being. After all this time, here was someone who had to be even more considerate about spending money than he and his Gerlinde!
And the fact that the gentleman was from Munich, which was in the centre of the allegedly ever so affluent Bavaria, was an additional, wonderful bonus!
Actually, reasoned Carl, if this lamenting gentleman from Bavaria existed, then it could safely be ssumed that there were countles others down in Ortisei who suffered greatly when it was time to pay for their additional beer or another straw yellow Parozzo! And that meant that we were dealing with entire hordes of braggarts who in reality were on their last legs. Well, they would perhaps have to face flats and houses freshly pawned on their return from this vacation… What a marvellous idea
When Gerlinde and he finally arrived at the top of the mountain and it was time to say their good-byes to the other eight-person-cabin travellers, Carl would not have found it hard to press a thick kiss onto the red beer-cheeks of “His Bavarian Gentleman“ – as he now mentally referred to him
And turning towards Gerlinde, he said he hoped that now she finally understood how well off she was with him!
Even with the approaching dark clouds behind the Geissler-Group, Carl now all of a sudden started really enjoying his vacation among the Italians in Southern Tyrolia.
My God, weren’t these mountains just beautiful?
KH
(Translated by EG)
PS:
On June, 16th, 2011, you will not read another“Carl and Gerlinde” episode. No! Instead, you will read “No…”
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