Roland Dürre
Wednesday April 28th, 2010

Marriage-Decision

I received the following “in-official comment” on my “courage” article from an anonymous reader:

I found your article on “courage” very interesting. The question that comes to mind is: what about all those people who only remain married for decades, because they “feel committed” to a decision once made? Incidentally, I know quite a few marriages of that sort.

Here is my answer:

With marriages, there are (again, I am simplifying it and just saying things in terms of general concepts) two alternative scenarios:

The one that is negative in my opinion is if you just remain married out of cowardice and convenience, even though you are basically not happy together.

The (from my point of view positive) alternative is to consider partnership (and marriage) a valuable task and to achieve a viable relationship, regardless of many (and, if you are prepared to be realistic, unavoidable and totally normal) problems in order to realize personal happiness together.

I do not believe a couple would ever stay together because they once made a decision.

Decisions once made do not play any role in life. Only the behaviour (which sometimes grows out of a decision) has moral value. Or else not. That is why it is not a valuable concept to feel committed to a decision once made. And you need no courage in order to feel committed to a decision.

This is part of my criticism of Merkel’s statement on Afghanistan in Parliament (see courage Mut).

🙂 Mind you, there is nothing I want less than become an agony column. But perhaps it helps me, us, and you.

Thanks for reading!

Roland

RMD
(Translated by EG)

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