Isn’t it just great that we have such good connections to SpVgg Unterhaching’s committee offices? As a consequence, we are the first who can announce an item of Munich soccer news that is truly sensational – and top secret. It cannot even be found in Wikileak:
The SpVgg Unterhaching will take over the soccer department of the TSV 1860 München!
In return, the bobsledding department will be transferred to the TSV 1860!
Thus, a new club will rise in Upper Bavaria. A club that really plans for a great future: the SpVgg 1860 Haching-München! Now isn’t that some bombshell? The name is still under discussion, they have not yet decided upon the final name.
Margin sports like basket ball and chess have no place in this club. After the fusion, the club will focus totally on its one (primary) competence: association football.
For the SpVgg Unterhaching, this comes like a godsend after some really hard years. And for the TSV 1860, it is the beginning of a real new future. Because a lot will happen in the Munich area!
The new club will take the place of 1860 in the second league. The second team of SpVgg 1860 Haching-München will then play in the third league. The short-term goal of the first team is the immediate return to the first league.
It has all been made possible by the financial backing of strong sponsors. Besides various sheiks from Arabian Oil Countries (acquired by 1860) and Russian Oil magnates, along with general investors (brought onboard by SpVgg Unterhaching), they are assuming that A.-E.-Inbev, too, will join in as the new major sponsor. After all, isn’t it about time the new Franziskaner-Löwenbräu-Spaten daughter started promoting their beer on a world-wide scale?
Thus, an impressive alliance was formed. Their declared common goal is to finally put a definite end to the predominance of the FC Bayern München that has now been prevalent for decades. Billions of Euros will be invested. Because they will definitely be necessary in order to overthrow the throne of the FC Bayern München once and for all.
The time-frame is open like it has not been in a long time. Not just will the FC Bayern, for the first time in a long history, be without any title at all at the end of this season! No, they also recruited Jupp Heynckes for the job of coach, though he is definitely of retirement age!
How should a retiree be capable of taming the “FC Hollywood”? The next crisis is a foregone conclusion! This period of weakness must be taken advantage of. With young players and dynamic coaches! Just look at the last place the Bayern II team is holding in the third league! It shows what the “Bayern” really are!
On the other hand, the new club succeeded in finding a sponsor who really has a guaranteed future: Inbev.
Because by the time the oil business will be a thing of the past and no cars will be found in the streets any more, the beer business will explode.
Consequently, Inbev is totally justified when it demands the Champions League Title in three and the World Cup in a maximum of five years. And, of course, the Inbev management are well aware of the fact that these goals require a lot of money and beer. They are therefore absolutely willing to invest intensely and provide suitable amounts of beer!
Moreover, there is a – not yet confirmed – rumour that Intel, too, could be won as a sponsor. One reason is that Unterhaching, after all, is an IT Cosmopolitan City, the second reason is that, due to the phonetic similarities with Inbev, a high synergy for marketing can be expected.
Can’t you, too, well imagine the scenario? The “Bayern” are sitting in their “Audi” cars without fuel – and the SpVgg 1860 Haching-München celebrate their victories with Bavarian Beer – in the renovated Inbev Arena at Grünwald!
The municipality of Unterhaching also supports the fusion. The Unterhaching sports park, along with the sporting areas at Grünau, will be reassigned. On the sacred ground at Haching, flats for fans will be built. They will all be generously donated by a famous Haching contraction firm!
These flats – their design will all be in the new club colours blue-white-red – will then be auctioned at a long-term lease (100 years)! Now if you want to make yourself knowledgeable, you are welcome to take a look at the housing project in the “show room” of InterFace AG at Unterhaching. This same enterprise will also monitor the auctioning software and thus prevent peculation.
The total profit for all the flats will be re-invested at the new club. A hundred years from now, all the flats, including the ground they are standing on, will also become the property of the club! As you can see, this project is characterized by a really strategic, long-term way of thinking.
If you have heard rumours about a new club being generated from the drawing board, then you have definitely been misinformed. The two clubs are well matched, both mentally and with respect to their fan structure! The fans of both clubs are absolutely jubilant: at the “60” club, they are overjoyed because they finally get their “Grünwalder” back, and the Haching group because they, after all, also have but a few kilometres to go as the crow flies.
Yes – at long last, what belongs together gets together! And for the “Bayern”, the sun will go down in the Allianz Arena.
RMD
(Translated by EG)
P.S.
Here is another item of good news: all coaches of young teams of both clubs will sign contracts with the new club!
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